Needing and Getting

"I need..." is easily one of the most ill-used prompts for things that we usually really don't. I damn sure over-use it, and it's usually for q video game or a random item of some kind (more than likely a pair of fine-ass sneakers). Those are wants. Needs are actually incredibly simple, because we need only a handful of things as an animal species.

We, and by "we" I mean humans (homo sapiens, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human), need three things: sustenance, shelter and socialization. Our needs, yes, have modern adaptations, but they are still the same as any other creature on the planet (speaking very generally about mammals with pack/tribe mentality). In my quest for self-actualization (if, in fact, one can reach a level of such, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-actualization), I have "needed" so many things. So I decided to make a handy list that someone else, countless someones, had no doubt made before me. This is no guide to nutrition or lifestyle in terms of what you should do/eat/be etc. This is just a simple list of basic, no-frills needs.

I will also be including wants, because that shit is solid gold. All wants expressed here are mine. Enjoy.

Recognizing your needs V wants is huge. It will help you go from surviving to thriving (tm...by someone, I'm sure).

SUSTENANCE

NEED
Food and water. Pretty easy: your body needs fuel to run, and the worst thing you can do is deprive it of sweet, sweet sustenance. On the most basic, you need to fill that gut of yours with water and whatever your diet is. Do some diets promote healthier mind and body? Yes! But that's a completely different post. A good chunk of your need for water can be obtained through the food you eat if you have a proper assortment of greens, but most of us don't. I highly recommend learning to cook no matter what your diet is. It's fun (eventually and especially with people), usually healthier and it makes your wallet smile.

For water, I have to remind myself to hydrate constantly, which is stupid. I should just drink water because it is what most of my body is made of and is required to survive. To make it easier, I keep a 32oz contigo brand water-bottle next to me when I'm working/writing/arting and so on (http://www.gocontigo.com/water-bottles/). I make it as attractive as I can to trick myself into thinking it will be fun to drink from it: It's green (my favorite color), has a nifty grey top and has stickers of things I love on it. Weeeeee, water! Fun AND delicious! Really though, if you want to be anything (artist, athlete, banker, whatever), just remember to hydrate.

WANT
I hate water. I do. Well, I love swimming in it, and I love rain, and if I were a bender I'd be a water-bender, but as far as a drink goes: bored, next please. Tea is my jam, usually of the green variety, and my favorite is gyokuro matcha or a home made chai with real milk. I'm also a big fan of my sprits, and tend to favor whiskey, especially rye, with my current favorite being Bulleit Rye (http://www.bulleit.com/). I guarantee that I just originally tried it because all of my heroes liked whiskey of some kind, especially Frank Sinatra. I even brew my own beer (though only 1 out of three batches has been successful due to some unforeseen shite. You learn and grow, blah). I love beer. I like whiskey, but I love my beer. And my king pint was, is and will continue to be a good ol' Guinness (http://www.guinness-storehouse.com/en/Index.aspx).

Food? I love it all. If I had to pick one cuisine to stick with over all others for the rest of my life: Japanese. No question. It's perfect to me, from sushi to izakaya to snacks to beverages and so on and so on. I love Japan for many things, but food is #1. Cake. Also cake.

SHELTER

NEED
A home. Simple. Whatever it takes to have one, do it and get a place to hang your hat. I'm very lucky and have a good apartment in a decent part of Portland, which is a fairly chill town to begin with. A home provides safety and security and a much needed escape when times get shitty/real or when you just need down time. You already know this. The part that people don't talk about that much is the safety part, which has always been odd to me. I was always told that I needed a place to stay, but the need for a safe living area was never overly emphasized. It's all about location. I highly recommend getting a smaller place in a safe neighborhood well before I'd send someone to a shit-ball part of town with a swank condo, but that's just me. Whatever safety is to you (quiet neighborhood, city downtown, hustle and bustle or white picket-fence), seek that out and get it however you can.

Room mates are a funny thing. I typically prefer to live alone, but sometimes that's just not an option. When you are looking for your shelter, sometimes you need a few buddies or maybe randos to afford the one you want. Most people act like they're fine having room mates, or that they can share a place with just about anyone, but those most are really just some. We are still animals and we are territorial as all hell. If you don't jibe with someone, get yourself or kick them the fuck out. It's that simple. When I hear people complain about their roomies, I'm always curious as to why they don't do the latter or the former. I'm usually met with some version of "I can't afford to move out," which could be true, yes, but is more than likely bullshit. You're afraid. Been there, know how you feel and it sucks, but the only thing to be afraid of in that situation is not being honest and staying mired in human shit. Live where and with whom you actually want. In the case of room mates, want is a need in my opinion.

WANT
I see myself in something of a craftsman home with heavy Japanese architecture elements. Clean, efficient, maybe two stories but definitely open. Lately I've been musing about the container home (https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=container+home&FORM=HDRSC2) as being a part of it. I want it to be surrounded by green, with fig and Japanese cherry trees. I want a Japanese bath and a stone shower inside, a bamboo shower outside and a hot-spring of sorts. A dance studio is a must. Really, a space that can be used to train dance, martial arts and can be used for gatherings wins. I can see having the "dojo" double as a movie/gaming room, but usually I like to have training rooms remain that, and have a second space, the living room, be where I keep my big-ass tv and various gaming rigs. Most importantly, I need a large kitchen to entertain from and stretch out in. Counter-tops are negotiable but gas burners are a must, as is an old, European style dining table (rugged and solid, not fancy). Also a small brewery and bar. Yes. A must.

SOCIALIZATION

NEED
You need your people. Some don't. Some can go it alone their whole lives and be solid. I'm not one of those people. I need positive, uplifting folks who like me as much as I like them. I am currently lucking out here, as my friend-base is incredible. Your friends are a reflection of you and how you see yourself. Think you don't deserve many good things in life? Is your self-esteem in the toilet? Then you no doubt will have surrounded yourself with friends who take your energy and crap on your soul. Usually, a person has shit friends (people who tear them down), because they didn't choose like-minded souls. It should be your first priority to have cohorts who are likeminded. Yes, it could just be that you happened to find people who flat-out suck, but more than likely the ones you hang with just don't think like you and aren't driven in the same way. I'm not saying your people need to be you, but they should be similar. I, for example, get extremely excited about the projects that I do and the things that I love. I therefor surround myself with people who do the same, especially about the things that I love! Is is selfish? Yes and no. It is, but if you are getting support and energy from your people about your projects, no doubt you're giving that same energy and support back. It's win win. You don't need to have people who want the same wants that you do, but you do need friends who support in the same way that you do.

WANT
I'm pretty much perfect here. My friends and family are incredible and I have an amazing support crew. The only real want that I have for my social aspect is to be able to help my people realize their dreams.

THE 4th NEED

NEED
There is, of course, hidden and hard to find, NEED #4: Purpose. We need to feel connected to the world, as our minds expand and evolve, we need to feel like we've done something with our lives. Purpose can only be realized when we've taken care of our other three needs. Purpose can be anything, but we usually mark it as what we will do for the rest of our lives, and more than not: our job. Is purpose always your job? Hell no. More often than not, it has nothing to do with what you do for a living. There's probably a small handful that woke up one morning saying: I, Marcus Everyschmuck, will repair AC units, as it is my purpose. More often than not, your job is your meal ticket. Your purpose is whatever you want. That's it. It's whatever you truly love and want to do with your life, the thing that makes you the happiest and makes you fulfilled. It's different for everyone. Some are fathers/mothers, some bake, some fight, some run track, paint, sing, make money, fuck, write and so on.

For me, it's entertaining. No matter the thing I do, I feel the need, the drive, to make people feel something, to look into themselves and truly experience the world inside and out. That's what entertaining is to me. Sometimes its as simple as a much needed smile, or as grand as helping someone else gain true confidence in their own abilities and maybe even find their purpose. I, myself, want to be happy. My happiness is achieved through helping others enjoy even a fraction of the things the world has to offer.

WANT
To be happy with my loved ones. To be the best that I can be in the things that I spend my time doing. If life is a contest, I am currently winning.

This post was not inspired by the OK Go song "Needing and Getting," but it does have an amazing video that threatens to inspire. Observe:

You've Got Growing Up to Do.

It's 3:08 AM and I'm still awake. Not wide awake. 75% maybe? I'm still awake because I'm an insomniac. I'm an insomniac because I'm stressed most of the time I that I think about the next thing that I have to do. And the next thing is never alone. It's never one thing. It's a shotgun blast of many, many fulfilling project and opportunities. A metric fuck-ton of big dreams and slim to jack-shit budgets. The things I've taken on in my life have all lead me to greater things and incredible people and experiences. Payment is not one of these things.

I look forward, and I budget during the wee-hours. I do what responsible people do when they want something. I brainstorm and I ask the questions: Do I have enough cash to get this going? And if not: How much will I have to work/how much do I need/and what will I have to do to make this happen? I spend a great deal of time trying to budget my time, willpower and finances to fulfill many, many dreams, mine and those of others, and usually I come up on top! Or at the very least near the top with room to improve. And for years this has been fine. I've been happy while not having a savings and a solid 100% that I don't have any real monetary assets beyond three figures. As long as the projects got done, I was happy and reasonably healthy.

I'm still happy, and every day I get stronger, but today I realized something: The relative success of my projects and my ability to stay afloat financially has been largely luck based. I've made enough due to commissions/gifts/flukes and the like. When it's flowing, the luck and money, I'm smiling. But I've relied so heavily, subconsciously, on this luck based income that I had no plan for when/if/should it bottom out and leave me high and dry. And here we come to why I'm awake at now 3:16 AM (typing is hard when I'm stressed).

The money's gone. Okay, not gone, but definitely to a point that I need to be fairly concerned. I've never been here before. Not like this. And it's not that I'm afraid of being here or not used to it either, it's that I sit and ponder what loop hole for circumstance that I might be able to fall into and I'm just not finding one this time. I hit a wall, if you will, and the only thing that I can actually come up with is that my usual brand of dumb-luck just isn't working. As much of a planner as I am, I never truly factored in the "real world." The holy shit moments when budget is actually screwed. Every time the money as always come close to running out, I would get either a gift, or a random ass gig that let me float a bit more (save for a horrific year in college back in early 2000. Eggs, rice, occasional ramen. Always hungry. Always tired. Always stressed. Nervous breakdown. 'Nuff said).

It never once occurred to me that my budgeting wasn't accurate, because I was actually factoring in random-ass "what if" possibilities into paychecks. But they are gone, these moments and I just now realized why. I have been drastically changing my life for the past year for the better. It's all good stuff! However, I was still planning my budget according to how I'd been up until this past year. I've cut out some income spots that used to give me good ol' rando checks, but still included them in my plans. And so we return to the why of my insomnia. Decisions.

It's all simple and annoying: I have to make a few big boy decisions in the next couple of days. I have to evaluate my dreams, plans, job, etc, and some things won't make the cut. Some of these things are minor and include petty shit that I don't need. Others are much larger. Others include dreams that I have that I'll have to pass on if I can't figure something out. There's a very good chance that these dreams, these big things, will not be possible in any way right now. There's one very expensive one that I'd been working toward off and on that will most probably lose. Primarily because I just don't make enough. But that's a part of what being a real adult is. You must admit where you're weak in order to become stronger. This is my weakness.

It is not a good feeling, admitting weakness and accepting change. But it's not bad, either. It's also not that earth-shattering, when I get down to it, it just sucks. It blows, having to admit your plans are screwed and that you have to drop a portion of opportunities because you lack funding. It's the worst real world slap in the dick that you have to deal with. Money makes the world go round. Just as Joel Gray.

So here I am: being a good man, evaluating my situation, preparing to do the right thing, the adult, responsible, irritating-assed thing. I know the right decision, and I'll see it through in a proper way, but it doesn't make stepping down from a big dream any easier.

I'll be better for it in the short and long, though.

And it is with a sigh of relief, pride and slight cynical snark that I write these next words: It's time to grow up. It's time to be the man that I've always wanted to be, to be the hero that I idolize in my friends and family and mentors. I am a good man, a driven dreamer with more strength and control than I have allowed myself. I take my first step into adulthood, into the life that I've always wanted, that I've been working forward to for so long. I do so by removing my childish mindset in planning, by admitting my greatest fears and weaknesses and by not overcoming them, but by leaving them behind in favor of greater strength and humility.

I read this back over at 3:50 AM after writing it. Still couldn't sleep. It's a much needed change, the new path I'm setting out on. I like this new path. I'm a bit scared to leave some things of myself behind, but I know that it is the right thing to do. It's the right thing to do. The decision still fuckin' blows and I'm sad that I have to make it, but it is the right thing to do.