Story Time Stream

https://www.patreon.com/andrewslac

I've been writing a serialized story for the better part of 7 months now. Our newest chapter (now weekly) goes up this Friday via patreon. It only costs you $1 a month to be a part, and you get access to every chapter thus far in glorious PDF format to have and to hold etc and so on.

ALSO: You get to be a part of the Story Time Stream, every Friday at 9pm pacific. I'm SO excited for this!

So come and support new works and be a part of the conversation. Grab your leftovers, drop a Washington and have the best day you've ever had.

https://www.patreon.com/andrewslac

PS. Right now the ONLY way to be a part of the Story Time Stream is to be a part of our patreon. SO...do that.

PPS. Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate it. If not: I hope you eat well and have a beautiful time with those you love or by yourself or maybe...maybe you, like, meet a good dude or lass at the pub and like get...make a nice memory.

LOSS

I think I can finally talk about this shit. Not well, mind you. Meh. You should know that this isn't happy, more healing, and will probably upset you in some way. Warned. Also: if you are hurting, you can talk to me.

A few weeks back, maybe over a month ago, a friend I wasn't terribly close to - whom my uncle was rather close to - was murdered. If you were in Portland, had eyes and a TV, you heard about Jakob's murder. He was a good man, who made me and many folks happy. You can google the story for the specifics.

A few weeks back, under a month ago, my friend Nikki killed herself.

I was still dealing with Jakob's death, so hearing that Nikki had died wasn't real, nor would I let it be real. It became real about a week ago, and I've been so very screwed up. 

I miss my friends. 

I'm better now, at least enough to be me again and get what mental work I needed to do done. So I have. Yesterday was sorta OK? The day before sucked out loud. Put them together and you've got me feeling alright enough to talk.

A few years back, really more like almost 2, I tried to kill myself. I didn't. 

You have to ask yourself, why is this so common? But that's a whole other thing.

This is about loss. Two friends died in just over two weeks. I'm no stranger to death and, especially/unfortunately, suicide. I've lost so many people in my life; friends, family, mentors.

I fear losing people all the time. It's always on my mind. I'm afraid a majority of the time. This is what the post is really about.

If I know you, and I love you, there are times where I truly fear losing you. Pretty common. Mom, Dad, Kindell, Jenny, Zach, CamBam, Nick, Mikey, Em, Mollywog, Laurie, Jeff, Ryan, Ryan, Tim, Tana, Abi, Amanda, Lexi, Delancey, Evie, Aaron, John, Gabbi, RoboJoJo, Megan, Big Seth, Dave, Maddie, Brittany, Jillybean, DJ, Uncle Hutch, Uncle Tom, Maddie, Sherie, Darlene, Delanie, Susa, Colin, Isabella, Isadora, Izzy, Vanessa, Haile, Sydward, Reedster, Darcie, Ben, Steph, Tina, Forrest. Done writing names. If I know you and I love you, there are times where I truly fear losing you.

It's important for me that I take time to think about this when I get this far sclounced. (not a word) When I get like this I play games like Dawn of Discovery, Civ, Stellaris, Anno. Games where I can just sit and think, meditate, and feel accomplished in a very easily graspable way. I did that for two days. My ass hurt. I cried some. I feel better.

I miss Will, my uncle, old B, Gramma, Grandpa, Keith, Nikki, Jakob, Phil, Miss Dawn, old S, Torr, Julia, old A, Bumpa, Chris, Wayne, old M, Gail, Mr Daily. No more names. I couldn't remember more.

There is a takeaway here. There is. Look for the pattern behind things and you can learn about things. Maybe it'll help you grieve the loss, or not. Maybe it'll just help you understand what went. Maybe? Maybe you'll be able to help someone if they want/need your help - which is super subjective and sometimes super hard to read and respond to. Maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe...

Dear, Demon Child,

You're an incredible friend. You're a hero. I admire you. You did the right thing. You're what is right in the world. Well done. Well done indeed. 

Dear, Golden Child,

I didn't know you were hurting so badly. I'm sorry we weren't close anymore. Thank you for being in my life. You made it better.

Dear, Magic People,

I'm the good man I am today in large part because of your guidance. Thank you. I love you.

Dear Coach,

I have shoulders now. Thanks for that.

Dear, DBag Jones,

Pay. The fuck. Attention. You greedy shit. You're decent folk. Be better!

Dear, Mr Daily,

Shake rattle and roll, good sir! Thank you for the years. Honoring your memory with the music.

Dear, Gail,

I fucked up. I'm sorry.

Dear, The D,

You're so wonderful. You make the world better. Be strong and live for you! Your story is going to be one for the ages!

Dear, SP,

If only you knew how powerful you are. Thank you for you. I love you.

Dear, High C,

It wasn't fair. Fuck him. You deserved better.

Dear, Ol' B,

It wasn't fair. Fuck him. You deserved better.

Dear, Philly,

Why?

Dear, Fat C,

You were an awful person. Evil. The world is better without you. You killed him.

Dear, Soulful C,

I miss you. You hated yourself, but you were so beautiful. I wish you were here and loved yourself and had another chance. I wish you weren't so filled with fear. I hope heaven exists and you're there, finally happy. I miss you. I really miss you.

Dear, That one Bitch,

I can't believe anyone would want you. I mean...for real. That poor motherfucker. #yasuck!

Dear, Song,

I think about your advice every day. It's the juice! Thank you!

Dear, Jojo and Megatron,

I've been dealing with some OG shit. You two help me breathe. Thank you! Your advice is awesome and helps me feel hooman.

Dear, Steve,

What the fuck were you thinking? Fuck! I feel dirty. You stupid dick!

Dear, CB,

We cool.

Dear, JB,

Change the world, my man. You gonna change the world!

Dear, Younger me,

Keep doin' what you doin'. You'll turn out fine and dandy indeed. Oh! But stay away from most of the internet and opinions out there. You're kicking ass! Believe and you'll be just fine. You're pretty cool. Good job, Slugger.

Dear, Will,

Your death defined me for so many years. I can't even tell you how painful it has been. But I love you and the memory of you so much that it helps me be good and strong and live my life spurred on by love. You are one of my greatest heroes, and I never got to tell you that when I was younger and you were alive. I love you. Always will. Miss you, Will.

That's enough now. I feel okay. Feeling like me again.

Have the best day you've ever had.

Andrew

Our PATREON is LIVE

Our #patreon is live!

CLICK HERE: https://t.co/HzNuk0D5cf

Complete with the very first chapter of our brand new story: #amongmen

FRONT PAGE:

My name is Andrew Slac.

I made this patreon for the purpose of first releasing a serialized story to folks who routinely show their support, leading to the support of the endeavors of other artists, as well as a few plans on the grander scale.

Each month I'll bring you a chapter in a tale of fiction that you will have first access to if you choose to pony up the buck and support. But the buck doesn't stop there! That dollar (or more, if you're feeling really supportive) will also get you exclusive access to other patreon only content and activities including streams, vlogs, blogs and more. 

THE STORYAmong Men
genre: fantasy

First chapter teaser: The tiny nation of Bellsara, too small and weak to fight on her own, is surrounded by warring enemies and only survives by supplying two things to whomever is willing to pay: food from her crops, and soldiers of her sons and daughters. Our story begins during yet another siege of yet another territory deemed an enemy by purchase. This is where we meet our hero, a child like any other of Bellsara, a farmer turned soldier, conscripted to fight enemies that are not their own. And while their beginnings may be humble, their destiny is one of glory and great change...

...And that's pretty much all I can say without spoilers.

Also, exclusive content comes with the exclusive right to be a part of the conversation with each post. I will answer as many questions as I can, and I may even apply your suggestions and sprinkle a bit of your awesome into the story. Not the plot, of course, but if you have ideas you'd like to see, they may just end up in the story itself. Don't want your ideas in the story? Don't post 'em! Good. I'm glad we had this talk.

Generally, being an artist is an isolating life, but I don't want to live that way. I love people and believe in the brilliance that everyone has the potential to show. This patreon allows me to not only share something unique, but also creates a community based on support, communication and the exchange of art and ideas. Which is kind of my life-long dream.

If things go well, and I mean really well, this patreon will help lead to much grander projects, as well as create opportunities for others to show their work, and share with the world a part of themselves that may otherwise go unseen. I am a man with massive dreams and the drive and passion to get them done, and to support those who support me.

Alone we are amazing and together we are mighty.

If you do choose to pledge, I thank you. In return I pledge to create great works to the best of my ability, and to grow a community based on communication, support, opportunities and entertainment. 

Thank you for taking the time to visit this patreon. 

Whether you are a supporter or just someone passing by:
Have the best day you've ever had!

Andrew

My New Project REVEALED!

I've been teasing a new thing or thang I am putting into the sphere. Here it is.

This Monday, May 15th, 2017, I will be launching my patreon.

Each month I will release a chapter - of considerable length - for a brand new story that will only be available through patreon, and only if you are a supporter of this campaign.

The purpose of the patreon is to not only build a community for my work, but to raise funds and create a dedicated support for the works of other artists, even so far as eventually creating a convention that celebrates all of our stories.

This is both exciting and pants-shittingly terrifying for me.

Links will drop Monday.  I hope you'll join me in this new journey.

Here is the front page for the project:

My name is Andrew Slac.

I made this patreon for the purpose of first releasing a serialized story to folks who routinely show their support, leading to the support of the endeavors of other artists, as well as a few plans on the grander scale.

Each month I'll bring you a chapter in a tale of fiction that you will have first access to if you choose to pony up the buck and support. But the buck doesn't stop there! That dollar (or more, if you're feeling really supportive) will also get you exclusive access to other patreon only content and activities including streams, vlogs, blogs and more. 

THE STORYAmong Men
genre: fantasy

First chapter teaser: The tiny nation of Bellsara, too small and weak to fight on her own, is surrounded by warring enemies and only survives by supplying two things to whomever is willing to pay: food from her crops, and soldiers of her sons and daughters. Our story begins during yet another siege of yet another territory deemed an enemy by purchase. This is where we meet our hero, a child like any other of Bellsara, a farmer turned soldier, conscripted to fight enemies that are not their own. And while their beginnings may be humble, their destiny is one of glory and great change...

...And that's pretty much all I can say without spoilers.

Also, exclusive content comes with the exclusive right to be a part of the conversation with each post. I will answer as many questions as I can, and I may even apply your suggestions and sprinkle a bit of your awesome into the story. Not the plot, of course, but if you have ideas you'd like to see, they may just end up in the story itself. Don't want your ideas in the story? Don't post 'em! Good. I'm glad we had this talk.

Generally, being an artist is an isolating life, but I don't want to live that way. I love people and believe in the brilliance that everyone has the potential to show. This patreon allows me to not only share something unique, but also creates a community based on support, communication and the exchange of art and ideas. Which is kind of my life-long dream.

If things go well, and I mean really well, this patreon will help lead to much grander projects, as well as create opportunities for others to show their work, and share with the world a part of themselves that may otherwise go unseen. I am a man with massive dreams and the drive and passion to get them done, and to support those who support me.

Alone we are amazing and together we are mighty.

If you do choose to pledge, I thank you. In return I pledge to create great works to the best of my ability, and to grow a community based on communication, support, opportunities and entertainment. 

Thank you for taking the time to visit this patreon. 

Whether you are a supporter or just someone passing by:
Have the best day you've ever had!

Andrew

BE NICE. Make the World Better!

If you're me and you live in the US, then popular opinion is that the world fucking sucks. And maybe you're not wrong, but you're sure as fuck not right.

There is plenty of shit going on and wrong, both of the horse and dog variety. Our government? It's at least 50 to 60% dumpster fucked bully. Cool. Okay. I concede that to you! Our leadership is in the toilet and getting a solid flush to the shit cavern below with little to no escape for a solid few years in the least! Today I learned a term: affluenza. Look it up. Click the word. Again, totally giving you that one. The rich get richer, get off and get over. Cool. Life is hard, yeah, I get it. So go do something about it! Fuck!

If things are so terrible, then fight them! Facebook is great, but it's not the only place to express your opinions. Do it in person! March! Or talk! Better yet, WAY better yet, go create as many positive changes in your tiny part of the universe with like minded people.

Certain things are hard, obviously - medicine and education. I would hope that you know that I know that we're getting proper fucked with health care, but that's nothing new. Still sad, but not a shocker that the people of the US are getting hard borked by our government over something that could only benefit our god damned government. It's ridiculous that having healthy, productive, educated citizens is even an issue! There's plenty of other countries that show us how to do this like fucking champions and we are totally capable of following suit. But aside from that - and yes, education and medical coverage are so very fucking important - we can control most of our universe.

Here's how: be nice. It is that simple. It is. No one has ever been fucked over by being nice to someone, only by someone else being fucking terrible. But just because you cough, does that mean you're going to stop breathing? Be nice! The world is full of issues and problems, so be fucking nice!

This is why I hate social media. It can be such an amazing tool for good and positive change, but usually I log on to my facebook or twitter and I'm immediately met with some complaint of how shitty someones day is (not so much my insta because I really only follow people who post pictures of abs, food or video games...moving on). And you totally have the right to do that! You totally have the right to vent and rant about your issues just like I'm doing now. But after you've ranted and vented, get out and go do something nice! Go be productive and experience something positive. Be fucking nice! Want to make the world a better place? Be nice! Help people! It'll make you feel better and will most likely net you a positive return.

Want to look at it in a more self serving way? There's nothing wrong with that! We're only around for roughly a century, so looking out for you and yours is totally cool. Being good to others, helping others, totally serves you! You could get a new friend, a new business contact or even some sort of material reward, just for being a decent human! It takes next to nothing to do this.

See someone walking down the street with a cool hat? Tell them "Cool hat!" Or like a joke someone told in the grocery line? Laugh with them! Those are the easy things that anyone can do.

It takes no energy to be nice, relatively speaking. You ever have a fight with a loved one? Or even just look too much at our sensationalized media? Did you find yourself being exhausted after? I bet you did! It drains us to be negative, to be angry, to be sad! Doing something good, doing things that make you happy, it feeds you! It gives you a proper endorphin rush and you're ready for more afterward. It only serves you to be nice.

Be nice. Fuck. Do it! Just be nice! Listen to people and celebrate them and celebrate yourself. Holy shit celebrate yourself! Depression is the most common mental ailment, but can be dealt with if only we see the beauty in ourselves and others. Starting with yourself is key.

Be nice to yourself. You may not know it - which sucks - but you're probably pretty fucking cool. You're probably good at something. You're probably beautiful to someone. Everybody is somebodys everything, to quote Chance. Nobody is nothing. I don't give a shit what your background is, you are probably hauling some kind of interesting something. Be proud of that. Your story is amazing because you exist. And if you feel like shit, like you don't matter, like you're worthless, I'll listen and I'll help you feel like a part of the universe.

Be nice. When you listen to someone, you validate them, you make them feel real, a part of the world, a part of the universe, and there is almost nothing more valuable or empowering than that. Be nice. I'm begging you, be nice.

Alone we are amazing! But together we are mighty, we are unstoppable, we are truly powerful!

Be nice. Get off or get on your social media and make someones day or go physically make something. Your community needs a well dug? Go help them dig it. Your friends needs help moving? Shit, as much as that sucks, help if you have the time. You'll get stories out of it and they'll probably support you when you need it.

Be nice. The world is random, be nice!

Have the best day you've ever had.

I love you and there's nothing you can do about it!

Andrew

LATE NIGHT ADVICE FOR WCS DANCERS

It's late. I'm drunk. I'm tired. I'm pleasantly salty from a day of work, training and more work. And best of all, I'm stoked to give advice to those who probably don't want it. Also, please note that this is totally directed at West Coast Swing dancers. Specifically those of you who are obsessed with competition (#errrbody), and even more so those who pride yourselves and pride your...pride? Really? Guh... On coming in first. Not doing well or feeling good or having a dope ass time, but coming first and basing your value on how skilled you twirl. There's more to life than trying to beat the other guy!

Okay. OH! And this should seriously be taken with a grain of salt, though it does contain actual advice. Seriously. I wrote this at 2:25 AM on a Thursday after three glasses of wine (a normal persons six shots) and not much time away from the computer all day. In summary: contains advice and a potentially toxic amount of sodium if you take it too seriously. Seriously. Take this post as a letter written to a younger, much more dickish ME. Not you. Me. Okay. Ass mostly covered.


Want to win stuff and be a pro AND have a great dance life as a west coast swing practitioner? I'll break it down to the most basic stuff using the three T's: Timing, Technique and Teamwork, and a few hidden letters as they occur to me.

TIMING (it should also be noted that when I fully capitalize something in this post that it should be read full on screaming like 50% of Eddie Redmain (spelling?) in Jupiter Ascending. One more time: TIMING!! (Also, exclamation points denote volume)

- Stay on time. Like...like on beat. No, for real, I can't believe this is even a thing, even an issue in this art form. It's dance! Dancing to the music is kind of important! Okay, modern dance gets a pass because due to the existential nature of the form and the reliance on expression vs rhythm and its inherent use of physical spectacle...It gets a pass! But not this! No way! At the very least stay on beat! That's like...the bare minimum!

- REAL ADVICE: Relax and grab a metronome and count it out. Learn the simple cadence without a song and the pomp of pop music or the lyrics that we feel the need to interpret. Just work the beat. Seriously, this helps so much to just get used to a beat, especially if you're not a natural with musicality. I have plenty of friends who are more thinkers than they are feelers. This is for ya'll and it will help you. It'll help if you're a feeler too! Break it down to the basics, which don't get more basic than a single even tick like the Telltale Heart. Also listen to shit tons of music! Get familiar! Especially whatever is being shoved into conventions, venues and competitions. How did Kyle hit that? He knew the damned song!

TECHNIQUE

- Practice like a motherfucker. When your teacher tells you (if you've been learning from another human in some fashion) to clean up your basics...do it. It's super boring to run a triple step over and over and over for a while, but there is actually this sweet spot after it gets so boring you think you might shave your eyelids off with an old flip flop you've let sit in the sun and harden before forming it into a razor sharp shiv. Do that. The practice thing, not the...shiv...thing.

- REAL ADVICE!: Treat learning dance like learning a language. You start off stuttering but eventually your steps become fluent Japanese. This should and SHOULD be applied to damn near everything you do! Take your time and enjoy the journey and don't expect to be a master in twenty minutes. It takes time and patience to be good, never mind world class. WORLD CLASS! To be among the best in the world takes time! You want to be the next Jordan? Practice! He's got like...five moves and knows exactly where to put them because he's so comfortable with them that he can shove em anywhere in a song and make them look like a slice of fried gold! No one thinks about breathing or rarely thinks about conventions used in a casual conversation. Treat dance like learning a language and you'll be mostly fine. Also: learn a solo dance! Learn how to actually move your body! Sweet lord on a biscuit learn a solo dance! If you're wondering: THEY'RE ALL GOOD!!! Pick one! Refine your personal movement and your leading/following techs to their most simple and clean self.

TEAMWORK

- Fuck. I mean...fuck. This drives me crazy. Pay. The fuck. Attention. Seriously, if you take the advice from the tech section and add a few more drops of patience with the ability to engorge (yup...engorge) your partners moves/movement/swag, then you'll at least get into a final. I have, on a good day, five to ten things I do in a dance. I just take a page from the Bruce Lee Guide to Not Sucking and make sure I'm really good at those five to ten things. After that I just pay attention to what my partner is doing and augment what they do to make it even cooler!

REAL ADVICE!!: Relax. It's the best thing for teamwork. Chill out and have fun and wait for your partner, leaders and followers. Don't jump the gun. Wait until the last possible second and then react if you can't come up with a flashy new something. WAIT! Don't just gurk out something because you felt you had to and Mom wasn't home so now was the time! I highly recommend practicing with them peepers you've got. Get really good at recognizing rando stuff that your partners may do visually and then do your best to embellish what they do, copy what they do or just do jack shit. Seriously. Just setting the framework or going with the flow has won me plenty o comps and, more MUCH MORE importantly, it helps me have a better time. Your ideas are probably great, but you AND your partners ideas are fucking awesome! Treat it like a spirited conversation about something you two are super passionate about. No one likes the dick bag who dominates the conversation with only obscure Watchman references. Ugh. Neat. You're both named Bernard. Totally worth the near 3 hour adaptation.

ALSO EYE CONTACT. It's scary, yeah, or at least it can be, but it's truly intimate to look into another persons eyes and seek that kind of nonverbal communication and agreement. It's also the most respectful and one of the most powerful techniques for teamwork (BOOM, threw both in there) that you can implement right off the bat. Eye contact: act like you're in it together!

CREATIVITY

- Some people are thinkers and some are feelers. If you can come up with a move-set that blows minds or sets up victory in some fashion or another, sweet. I can't. I'm the other guy. I'm the guy who feels and reacts and goes with the flow. Embrace who you are! I'm not too good planning out my next forty moves and I don't really want to, even in songs I'm biblically intimate with. But I can come up with rando shit with my partners I'd never be able to do otherwise just by looking them in the eye and taking my sweet as time and keeping my basics basic. After that the magic happens. Also I know how to dance three styles professionally solo, and a few others WITH a partner. Which leads me to my next piece of advice...

REAL ADVICE: Learn and never stop learning, especially from douche-bags who beat you in comps because they had a dope set of moves you'd never thought of. Everyone is valuable and everyone has great ideas and you should totally learn from them and get over 9000 yourself! Don't stop learning because you're frustrated that so and so whipped your ass last month at Boogie. Learn from them!

COMMUNITY

Okay...I need to slow it down for this one. Take a second and open up your favorite spotify playlist (I suggest mine). I want you calm for this one. Okay. You good, Fam? Great.

REAL ADVICEHOLYSHITLISTEN!!! Dont. Be. A. Selfish. DICK!!!
- On the real though, there's no sense in being in it for yourself, especially in the arts and especially in dance and especially in partner dance. We are literally in this together! For this advice I'm using the immortal words of the late and brilliant Michelle E. McNamara: It's all random. Be nice.

BE NICE. You will go through life and meet people who positively or negatively embed themselves in your existence. You will deal with things both great and terrible, as well as profound and positive. Meet them all with the positive attitude (as best as you fucking can) that, at the very least, you can be a nice person. It has served no one ever in the long run to be a shit head. If you are out for yours and yours alone, you'll eventually piss someone off and create rifts and bad times where you could have either been a positive force and potential benefactor or beneficiary. It takes no effort, no energy to be nice. None. It can only serve you to be a decent human being. The world is filled with chaos. Be nice. Even avoiding that one dick who chose to be mean is being nice! There's no need to talk shit and bring people down or take your sweet time to ream that inconsequential asshole a new consequential asshole! Be nice! Being nice includes peaceful communication. Have a problem with someone? Peacefully explain yourself. I highly recommend this vs the alternative of just leaving it be, especially in communities as small as WCS ones. Yes! I just said you can avoid people, but if its an issue that's easy and more importantly WORTH talking about, do it. Most problems are solved in a matter of minutes if you explain yourself (#alsonice). It's all random. Be nice. The world is so fucking random. Be nice!

And now I sleep! For the wine has become heavy, as have my eyelids. Again, take this shit with a grain of salt if you're sensitive and don't know my personality. There's good stuff here too. Be nice. Learn. Care about each other. Be nice. Be nice.

Sweet dreams.

Have the best day you've ever had.

Andrew

Mirrors in Hotel Rooms

I'm looking in the mirror right now - Side note, yes, already: I'm in a hotel and sitting at the desk and... Why is there always a mirror at desks in hotel rooms? Who's idea was this? It's creepy. Unless you're an animator. If this was some elegant plan by animators or hotel professionals for animators then kudos to the hotel industry and your support of cartoons! - I'm looking in the mirror and I'm seeing an adult for the first time in my life (which I may have said before but this is a blog and I give only the fucks given by the writing team of Lost (tm)). This is the first time I see an adult staring back at me that I can recall.

I'm letting that sink in. You have to sort of imagine your me at this point - unless you're 31, a quarter Italian, a professional dancer and have a background in acting, are an aspiring writer and - all things considered - fairly optimistic even though you have your down days. I'm letting it sink in that I have never before looked at my reflection and thought a man was looking back at me, only a boy. It's interesting.

I'm grateful for what I have, too, which is bountiful! Mostly I have the best things - love, family, hard earned talent and so on, friends... Money though, and the lack of worry about money most importantly continues to elude me.

I made this declaration that I was shifting and focusing careers this year. Working on it. This point...

Fuck this is boring. It is. Writing updates about my life is sooooooooo dull!

Demons are fun to write! Metaphorical ones: Somehow I see a fat shit when I take off my shirt and think I'm ugly. That sucks. What else? Bitch complain. So on. Blah. What else?

Jealousy is fun to write too! I'm a jealous prick about my friends when I'm in this mood. I have no advice other than you should just ride it out. A lot of people tell me to focus on what I can do and all that, but that is annoying. Helpful too! But annoying. I'll get over it eventually.

My friends work hard, me too, but when they succeed (and boy howdy do they ever), I sure wish I were them. That hurt to write.

Disclaimer! I had a hard few months and this is me venting. Sorry. It's all I know how to do aside from play a video game to clear my head, and I'm without my console ATM.

Manifesting is I think where I was going to go at some point. Not that it's the savior tool, so to speak, but more that I hate being told that the universe will provide if I manifest - especially wealth. It takes work, hard work, to get the things you want. Me? I want attention (selfish, I know, but I like being payed attention to), enough money to not worry about money (healthcare for my folks would be nice, paying for it that is), and to do whatever the fuck I want outside that...also abs and health for myself and love. I've got most of that (spoiler: abs are coming in season 2).

I'm a lonely person who still wants privacy to decompress. It's not uncommon or special to be like that. Pretty common actually.

I worry people I love think I hate them. I don't. I love them.

I worry people I don't like think we're homies. We're not. Ditto to the people who take advantage of me. Fuck you guys. You're terrible.

I like me, but I wouldn't say I take care of me yet. Working on that. Self esteem is new to me (at 31...jeez), and I'm still getting used to self care or whatever new buzz-term is ala-mode.

YEAR Goals:
Edit Crossroads (yes, the same first book) then sell the fuck out of it.
Finish book - project name: A1B
Housework - get rid of stuff that doesn't make me feel good.
Train - Gym, yoga (Megan is awesome), Dance (The D is the homie) / Project Code Named: JWDC...command?
Write book - project name: FEELS
Raise quality of self image and general life.
Spend more time doing the things that feed you, as little time as possible doing the things that feed off of you.

"Fuck you!" feels good to say!

I'm scared that after the next person I lose I will say this, "I wish..." because there isn't ever enough time.

I fear death. Not my death; others. So many people I've loved have died. I wish my kids (who aren't born or anything really) could have known my cousin. He'd be a better uncle than I am for damn sure.

I just got a great idea for a new show.

Destiny might be a thing, but I don't think so. Some people end up in a ditch on fire. Some never have hardship. No matter what, things just happen and you roll with it. Then again, maybe destiny is a thing and it's just not predetermined. That would make sense. Destiny is the last period in your story. Kind of a cool idea. I think Neil Gaimen should write it. Not Brandon Sanderson....though I bet the magic would be cool!

Dear 18 year old me,

You have a beard. Yes, still. You basically look the same except now you have muscle tone and a few wrinkles. Also tattoos! So many!

You will mostly be a writer, a dancer (and good at like...so many! Hard work! HARD FUCKIN' WORK!), and an entrepreneur! Also Taiko. Not kidding. You'll take a break from acting though. I know. I know.

Standard future stuff: No flying cars. Trump is president (Are you surprised? I wasn't). Shake weight...just...just wait for it. Your phone is more powerful that most everyone's computer. Racism is still a huge problem (Are you surprised? No?), as is sexism and gender equality (Surprised?). Electric cars: yes. Artistic revolution: yes. Real estate market...feh. BUY STOCKS IN AMAZON AND APPLE AND GOOGLE AND FACEBOOK! Don't worry about what a couple of those are, just do what I tell you!

You will have 9 shitty room mates and 1 good one. This includes wives. Shit. Spoiler alert.

You get married in four years! No joke! Spoiler: divorced in 8, therapy for 1, then nothing, then 1 again. Don't worry. She sucked. You're over her by my age, but you probably figured that, right? I won't spoil the good stuff. But do you remember seeing Fight Club? Keep that in mind.

Dude! You're really good at stuff! Like really good! Scary good! Don't let anyone ANYONE tell you otherwise or use you! Don't you dare join up with anyone but Mike Lenneville. Mike is bae! The way Joe is, and Ryan. Also you'll run into Kindell and Jenny and Cambam and Zach. These are your people! Love them. There are others too! A girl named Delancey and a dude named Forrest! Latch! There are more good folks too! You are going to be surrounded by love!

Also: School! You drop out in one and a half years and travel the world and see and do beautiful things. You're welcome!

When you're my age your favorite movie will be about that guy who guest starred on friends as Monica's boyfriend who got his ass kicked in the UFC (which is a huge fucking deal now!), being a shitty dad and a depressed dude and a chef! Then fired because reasons, then Robert Downy Jr. will be there, then Sofia Vergara (you're welcome in advance on behalf of the universe), then food truck! #happiness. Oh! And a pound sign is called hashtag now! Who knew?

School! You try to go back and they fuck you out of money! Yeah. American education FTW, ameyeright?

You will perform all over the world! Even at Ted! Oh, right, that's not a thing yet... Think lalapalooza but for your brain! Also start a youtube channel now! Just trust me. You don't know what that is, but DO IT! Record yourself doing fuckin' anything! I'm not kidding! People will eventually just throw money and acting gigs at you because you are there. It's a joke, but for real, do it! Do it!

Love... Romantic: Sorry Skeech, no spoilers here, but she's dope and makes weird furby sounds when she sleeps.

Love... people: You give yourself to others too much. Knock that shit off. Calm down and don't worry, the cartoons and your third grade teacher was right: quality. Not quantity. Thanks Miss B.

Oh! A big thing for your to do list: Find your silence. This is huge. Also be a nerd. An obsessive nerd! A huge freak about the things you love! Be loud! So loud people can't help but give you a venue!

Lastly 18 Me: It gets better, then worse, then better, then worse, then better... But you're still you. You're a badass, and you've gone through more already, done more and dreamed bigger than almost everyone else on the planet. You're amazing, but you will forget that. I don't have advice for that other than remember that you are always you, no matter the version. Do your best to love yourself.

OH! Also you get a cat named Lantz! He's the dopest!

Oh! We have yet to go to Japan, so start saving!

Also: Get some sleep. You deserve a good nights rest. You're kicking ass.

Have the best day you've ever had.

(That's your sign off. It makes you smile.)