Writing/Tiny Revelation

I started working on my new book, finally, ironically finding that I had already written 18 pages at some point. No idea when, but who cares. I read what I had come up with thus far, and it wasn't bad! It was pretty darn good, actually! I spent a few hours today editing what I had already done, getting back into the groove. It wasn't until the breeze from my window came in and brought me a little back to reality that I realized how much I'd missed working on my stories. Then something new came, a realization that I'd rarely experienced. The Zone. That strange state of mind that obsessives talk about when they reach a sort of "Nirvana" during their work. It had taken a long time, but I realized that I experience this feeling every, single, time I write. Every last one. I get it when I perform regularly (dancing and acting), and a couple times here and there with other things, but with writing, it never isn't perfect.

I love to write, and everything about it, the good and the bad. It is my zen, my hatred, my creative practice and my most difficult mountain to climb. It gives me everything I want out of a hobby. I love the sound of keys clicking, the brainstorm, the solitude, the collaboration, the birth and growth of a story as it stretches across the screen or page. I love the long hours, the headaches, the espresso, the inspiration music, the wine, the nervous sharing, the let down and the build up.

I could list things of that sort for hours, what I loved, whether it was pleasant, pleasurable, painful or downright awful. And that's something that I hadn't realized until now. This, writing, is what I should be doing. I crave it during a dry spell like a man would water. Everything about it gives me something. I can brainstorm for days on end, entire worlds, whole lives, systems, rules, whatever I want. I can feel powerful. Powerful...yes, truly powerful. The fact is, in order to be a good writer...or just an obsessive one, you have to have a tiny bit of a god complex. You have to love to create. Craftsmen have this in general, it's just that, with writing, you're coming up with new ideas and twisting/forming/realizing a fictional world, as opposed to physically constructing a meal or sofa or doll or painting.

I look at people as they walk down the street and I deeply want to know their stories. Who they are, if they love someone, what their good at, what they do with their time and so on. A dream of mine is to have a venue for everyone to tell their stories (more on that later).

My ranting point is really simple and something I've been looking for for some time. I have a passion that I want to be my lifelong job. I've never had that before. I love dance. It's my passion. It makes me feel alive, like I'm flying and has given me more than I can possibly say. I do not want to dedicate my life to being a professional dancer. I never really did. I just wanted to be as bad assed as I could be, and I'm well on my way. It is my escape. Writing, story-telling, they are my way to create.

Yes I want to still try everything that I possibly can, but now I have a reason to do so. I want to experience as many sights, sounds, tastes and overall sensations and occurrences as I possibly can, so as to better expand the scope and quality of that which I love, hereto pointing at writing. I will be a writer, an idea man, a story teller, and I will not let anything stop me. I've not once felt like this to any one activity or profession. I call it a win.