I haven't written in a week beyond ideas and notation and the like. My head's been scrambled. It was then unscrambled when I hit the McIntosh family cabin up near Zigzag/Rhododendron. Open space, little to no pollution, the woods, a campfire and a little booze; I was right as rain in under three seconds.
*DISCLAIMER: I've had a beer or two. The opinions are still mine, though the writing might be shit.
Moving on.
I've been wondering, just wondering, how personal these blogs should be. Mostly it's rando-what-not that comes to mind and usually it's advice or my musings on life and so forth. I realized the other day that I don't get too personal when I put my philosophy. What I mean by this is the following: I heard about the newest shootings in Charleston and I tried to write something. I really tried. Each time I "penned" something I would hate it. I wouldn't see the value in it. I would think, "How is what I have to say any more interesting or valuable than anything anyone else has already said?" This isn't about the Charleston shooting, my train of thought, it's about my valuation of my opinion. I thought about my lack of enthusiasm for my words/work and I came to the conclusion that I have been as far away as someone could be to being a professional artist.
If you're going to do anything, especially the arts, you have to own yourself and opinions, and fall in love with your own legend. You have to be at one with the myriad of musings that pop into your dome. You have to be proud and truly believe the snake-oil that you're peddling. People are like any other animal: They smell fear. Folks know when you're not buying what you're hocking. Own who you are.
The easiest way to start Falling in Love With Your Own Legend is to know who you are in simple fact. So I'll sacrifice myself on the alter of privacy and dignity for the purpose of point.
My name is Andrew Christopher Slac. My middle name comes from my late unlce, Chris. I was told that I was named after him so he wouldn't pick on me. It didn't work. He was, to this day, the best live singer I have ever seen. I loved him. He died from a heroine overdose and I suspect it was suicide. I miss him. Sometimes I miss my uncle Craig too, though that's very rare. He wasn't a nice man.
My last name was changed by my grandfather from Slactovski (Slactalski?). I like both.
I am 29 years old and I've done more things that ten people do by the time they're dead. I'm a professional dancer specializing in hip hop, jazz, lyrical, lindy hop and west coast swing. I am good at what I do and I worked hard to be so.
I am 195 pounds, mostly muscle and I'm handsome. I'm not being an asshole or arrogant, I'm just stating a fact that I am attractive. I usually think that I'm strange looking or awkward, though. I have a negative self image but I'm working on it.
My trainer, Aaron Bronstein, is like family. I've known him my entire life. He was my late cousin's, Will's, best friend. Training at his gym (Black Rose Crossfit http://www.blackrosecrossfit.com/) makes me connect not only to him, but to Will as well. I feel at home there. Also: I'm lookin' good these days. Thanks, Aaron!
My eyes are blue. I love my eyes.
My greatest fear is death. I grew up learning and practicing many religions, showing many different possibilities of the afterlife. I fear that there is nothingness. Rephrase: I fear that there is no way yet to know exactly what happens. Sometimes I wake up very afraid thinking about that. I fear losing my parents and my friends but mostly my parents.
I am proud of my beliefs in all facets. I choose not to share them because I figure people will ask me about myself if they're curious. I've been told this is bad business for an artist. I agree.
My greatest love is people. I am fascinated by the human race but I am deeply in love with my friends and loved ones. I've been very lucky to know the people I do. They're all good at something that I suck at, and I'm proud that I can learn from them.
Freedom of speech should never protect those that hurt others because their beliefs are different. Freedom of speech is not freedom to harm. Fuck you if you don't like someone because of their religion, race and so on. You make our species weaker.
My favorite author is Patrick Rothfuss and his series The King-killer Chronicles are my three favorite (soon to be four) books. Read them. http://blog.patrickrothfuss.com/
I was told by two different doctors that if I didn't learn how to relax and destress that I would have a heart attack by 40. I listened. I quit a few jobs because of their advice. I'm already feeling better.
I am drawn to water first, earth second, find comfort in fire and occasionally fear the wind.
My craft, which I've only recently discovered, is blacksmithing. I'm pretty good at it and I look forward to training in it the rest of my life.
I think our penal system is a joke and we should be facilitating a domestic manufacturing market through our prisons while simultaneously training convicts in a skill useful to society.
I am a writer who has written 1 and a quarter books and I'm bitter as all hell that I haven't sold more copies of my first book. I think I can make it better and I know that it wasn't ready, but my impatience breeds self hatred and jealousy that I don't make money off my skills in this way yet.
Taxes are good for the country. Look at Denmark. DENMARK IS DOING IT RIGHT!!! Healthcare and college for everyone!!! You still have to contribute to society and you still can make as much money as you want AND you are taken care of by the government for your work. Win win win win wiNWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINWIN!!!
This version of myself is the first that doesn't feel lonely. Granted, I do sometimes have those rough days where I think I'll never find that person. Then I get over myself. I have been a serial monogamist from the time I was 12. I'm now single and I'm finally confident in being single, which is to say: I am confident being who I am. It's the first time in my life that I've felt a sense of self worth and independence. My friends help with that, but mostly I'm just able to step back and look at myself with confidence. I have a ways to go to be the man I want to be, but I'm proud of who stares back at me from the mirror.
I'm an open book but I hate selling myself, as it were.
I think that's plenty for now.
You have to know yourself and be willing to talk about yourself. At the very least you need to be able to do so with yourself. You have to be able to take stock of who you are, the things you do for better or worse, the dreams you have and so on, if you ever hope to become greater than you are. You have to be vulnerable to critique so that you can improve who you are now into the person that you wish to become. You might get lucky. You might find everything you want without having to try. Chances are that's bullshit, but if you're so fortunate to have the perfect fate fall into your lap... fuck you and congratulations. Most of us will have to work to be greater.
What I am learning to appreciate is that work. The grind. I'm starting to love it. I'm starting to embrace the path instead of the end. Then again, I'm only now doing the things I truly want to do with my life. I'm moving forward according to what I want to gain. Granted, it took me some time to be at one with my good and bad, to take stock of the man that I was/am/wish to be, but I am on my way.
The key to starting the journey was easy. I got to know who I am, was and dreamed of who I will be. I made a list of who I am, was and wish to be and I picked what was important and what was nothing more than a simple interest. Do it. That's all. Do it. Make a list and learn about yourself. Look inward and then move forward. When you know who you are and the things you've done, the dreams you have, the good and the bad, you can know your story. You must fall in love with your legend if you are to create a tale as grand as you desire.
And now I will drink two more beers and go to Crossfit. Pray for Mojo.
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