Preamble...Prelude? Words.

It's Spring...ish, and therefor its full of cleaning for many of us. For me, my messiest thing isn't my cluttered apartment or my nill to nothing portfolio. It's my schedule. I am a human shotgun blast. My interests have always been spread wide, far and as thin as can be. This has afforded me a great many experiences, and I regret nothing. It has also lead me to the things that I love because I just tried random shit, to put it crudely. It has also given me more headaches and stress than any one man should experience, a near ulcer, those old fashioned "bi-polar days" and, of course: depression due to simple lack of will power.

Today is the first day of a simple shift in schedule and habit. It's time to focus on the ol' vessel, the body, the machine, health monster etc. I'm using March as a sort of "jump off" for a new me. This time, as opposed to the other many many times I've tried this, I'm taking it all slow. One thing at a time. Working focus and clarity well before a full turn around.

The beginning is easy: no eating out for 2 weeks. Only cooking at home, with the exception of green juice. It's the 1 treat I get. Woot. The short of it is that I am broke, as hard as can be, and it's because I drop horrifying amounts of cash on restaurants. It's been my thing for some time, and I love food that is cooked for me, and being able to eat anything that I want, whenever etc. Too expensive, and I need to save some cash. I often forget I'm a starving artist because I spend all of my cash on said food, therefor removing the starving but leaving a broke-ass artist instead. Not a great change.

Anyhow, I've begun, and I've had two of them green juices from Energy Bar, adjacent to PSU, and another from Green Leaf, near Pioneer Courthouse Square. Feels good like it should. Blah. I'm hungry! I also may have started my day with 2 Safeway brand chocolate croissants. Not great, but fattening and delicious.

That in mind, I look forward to my first real meal of the day: chicken stir fry, brown rice and a wasabi sauce I make that's just damn fine.

Also, a part of this whole endeavor is adding challenges on top of any exercise that I may do during the day (which I encourage folk to join in on, should they be feeling froggy). Today's is easy: 50 push ups over the course of the day. All the challenges need to be done by the end of the day I post, unless I say otherwise. Not hard, 50 push ups. Simple as all hell.

Call it a prelude or preamble or something, anything really that you want. Baby steps. That's where I'm at.

Day 18 - Idea Man vs Impatience (not an interesting post, I promise)

It gets rough for me sometimes, like anyone else, when I take a second to take stock of what I have and where I want to go. See, I'm at that annoying part where I have to start over on many things. But that's not really the problem, or at least, the tick that's irritating me. I can handle starting over, I've done it a bunch. What gets me and puts me in this, a foul mood to anyone, is not feeling like I've gained my just reward for my efforts. It's the whiney artist/business phase that everyone goes through at some point or another. The looking back at what you've done and wishing it had pushed you to a better where you are now. I am grateful for what I have, but I'm just as annoyed that I'm not quite there yet.

I apologize to those around me who have had to deal with this attitude. I do my best to stay upbeat. Today was just annoying, and so was I. I hit that level where you get so unsure of your own opinions that you question your friends opinions about your opinions. "What did you mean by that?" etc. Paranoia can suck it. I don't want it as a BFF.

My greatest gift, my best skill and my favorite thing about myself is my brain. I have a terrific brain, full of ideas, ever-churning out new ones. I am not the most organized, nor am I rich, so putting this dreams into reality is usually a real bitch or just hasn't happened yet. I'm usually met with nay-saying or bad company or dumb luck or anything whatever so-forth that monkey wrenches the works but good, and usually I can just get mad, push forward and get over it. Today's just a dwelling day. It will pass.

But how do you capitalize on a skill like "I have a million and one good ideas?" Hence: writing. But as a fledgling writer, producer, man about town so-and-so, I've yet to hit a stride or any big therein. How do you make your living off of being creative? How do you sell your ideas? I'm actually asking. I don't paint anymore, nor do I draw or do photoshop these days, so I'm heading back to school. I have more examples, but I know it just boils down to being impatient. I'm so impatient, so tired of waiting for success while still working my ass off. But you must push forward. It's either that or die, and nope, no thank you.

I need to create, I need to build, foster, teach and grow myself. I'm working on it.

I want to be Joss Whedon. Well, sorta. I love me some Joss (Firefly, Buffy, Angel, Dollhouse, Avengers etc). The Whedon has a formula he loves and follows. Gruff anti-hero with a heart of gold, supernatural twist on everyday life, big evil corporation, kill off someone you love. He plays with the formula a little, but that's the gist, and it has made him a fuckin' nerdcon (nerd-icon...nerd...con...nerdcon.). He has stayed true to the creative nut that he is, and has come out pretty well so far. Or Steven King! Do I really even need to go into how many books, movies, series or money he has made? J.K. Rowling? Even the Twilight lady! I may not like the franchise, but she had a good, mostly unique idea on a classic money maker, and has done just that, made dem greens!

I know I need to just push forward. I know I need blah fuck cock blah whatever.

Writing this, I find that there is a single cloud that I'm starting to notice in my routine. Two, actually. One's easy and who cares, but the other is a slight mystery and I mean to find it. I've got a list of to-try stuff for this week in an attempt to weed out whatever it is that makes fog of my gray-matter. Shouldn't be hard. I'm betting its my living space. I just do too much here. It's my bed, my entertainment center, my office, my escape and more. Huh...I'll think on that.