YouTube - First Week Back

It's been fun and easy getting on a regular upload schedule. I'm realizing how much time I have, which I've never been good at.

Want to help? Please subscribe. It helps a ton and puts no burden on you whatsoever.

The channel is starting with lets plays which, for those of you not into the nerd thang, is a lot like chillin' on the couch and playing video games with your homies... Only everyone is on their own respective couch. 

Aside from that I don't have much to say (got an hour of sleep last night), so I'll just point you to the episodes I put up this week...OBSERVE BELOW!

Have the best day you've ever had.

Andrew.

Doing Videos Again

I work too hard sometimes. Lots of times. I try too hard to make a point or change things, specifically the minds of others. Then I'll usually tell others to...not do that. 

TLDR: I'm making videos again. 

LR...DT? I actually don't know what TLDR even means. Clearly. But I know how to use it. Do you have words like that? Anyway... Longer story: I'm getting back on youtube (and other platforms that work for me) and doing mostly let's play videos and variety spots, each about 10-15 minutes in length on average. Here's why...

I plan to make a living off fandom, off celebrating the work of others so in turn I can make my own content. Being stoked on others is a strength of mine, so why not make it a career?

Here's the schedule in my head: two videos a day, all week, most of which will be lets plays and two of which will be a vlog and some kind of live action hoosafudge. There' nothing earth shattering here as everyone and their mother is using this format, but there's a reason for that. It works. It's an easy way to build your library and showcase your personality while leaving plenty of time to work on whatever else during your week.

SIDE NOTE: Here's the channel as it is... Click it! chknfoot TV 

The change - now vs. then - is that I'm open to change. I tried way too hard to force jokes and make a brand and so on and whatever. Now, I'm much more open to just doing the thing and evolving. See, the purpose is to use whatever popularity base to make something they and I want, eventually leading to a studio and business to help others achieve their dreams while I achieve mine. So it's chknfoot TV now, but maybe it's not later. Maybe our color-scheme changes, maybe I get a partner or it becomes a network. I have no idea. But I'm excited.

More on all this later. There will be a video soon all about it. Or at least more. It will be me jibbering, so it may be sorta incoherent, albeit well intentioned. 

I'm happy and driven and stoked to share. More than anything I'm really happy to have something that will teach me how to have a professional schedule. Dreams.

Love ya.

Have the best day you've ever had.

Andrew

I've Forgotten How to Play

I sure hope I'm not dead inside. Okay, that's dramatic. I'm not dead inside, I'm fearful that I've lost something important that I feel partially defines me: my love to play. I've sort of forgotten how, and I think it's been a long while now that I've been this way, and I'm only now able to admit it. First step and all that...


DISCLAIMER: This is a working things out post. It might not make a lot of sense. The sound of keys clicking helps me focus and evaluate my goings on and such.


It's such a strange thing to sit at my computer and strive so hard to find some game, any game, just because I tell myself that I want to play something. I'm forcing it, forcing play, and that's sort of crazy. I can't think of any other facet of my life that I try so hard to do. I either do or do not, I don't try or work so hard to do anything the way that I push having fun; specifically with video games. 

I know I still love them. I love my games. But I find myself skipping cut scenes, missing out on good chunks of lore, hearty bits of story that I could learn from. That worries me.

Maybe I'm unhappy? I'm pretty darn content with most things in my life, though I must admit that I feel out of sorts creatively. I've always been creative, imaginative, yet lately I feel dull. I'm boring to myself. I can't seem to create anything I'm proud of for a couple of years now. I can't seem to enjoy the work. I'm trying too hard.

It's fear. I'm afraid of failure. So why try. It's horse-nuts. Grade A. Can't fail if you never try, though you can define that in of itself a failure to live. 

I wish I never realized my mortality. I sure miss the days when I thought I was immortal, my time unending. Oh well. I'm human these days. Maybe there's something there.

I'm going to learn the piano, my first lesson in little over two weeks. Maybe that will feel good.

I am mostly happy. But this whole forgetting how to play thing has me a bit scared, and when I get scared I get sedentary. My ass hurts from sitting. My stomach hurts from devouring the work of others. I'm tired. I think I'll sleep.

Thanks for sticking with me, Brain. I feel better now. Let's get to work on letting ourselves off the hook and letting life happen. Maybe that's how we'll play again.

Processing piece over.

Have the best night you've ever had.

Andrew

PS. The universe is a hologram. Buy gold.

PPS. Or not. We're all in this together. The universe is pretty cool. And if it's a hologram, then choose to bend light and make it what you will.

A Thing About Play (it rhymes with Klei...)

This company gets it. They understand what it is to have a childlike imagination, a pure obsession with play. Every game they've put out - which includes the crazy successful, fun and brutal Don't Starve - encapsulates a fantasy I had as a kid. 

I'm pretty sure I know their formula. 

• 1 part childhood fancy - Klei has a game called Hot Lava, a platformer where you play as toys traversing a bedroom, a school and so on...Oh! And the goddamned floor is lava! I remember this shit! We all did this as kids and it was amazing! Observe the following rad as hell trailer to the right...

• 1 part socio and/or psychopath - Yeah...so...these are the guys who made Don't Starve and Oxygen Not Included. There's all kinds of brutality and consequence in these two properties. In Don't Starve...well, you can starve. You can also go insane via otherworldly horrors, including but not limited to: Pig Men, shadow born horrors and Elder Gods...of sorts. He might also be Satan, I wasn't entirely sure... Faust? Anyway. Then there's the whole suffocating thing in Oxygen Not Included, as well as your team flat nutting out and doing whatever their stress addled AI decides to do - wreck things, jump into space, eat a poison mushroom, you know how it is.

• Pure, uncut drugs - Okay, that's hoosafudge, but they've got their formula down to a sweet addictive science. They know their systems and they know how to snag you in for the long haul. And that might actually be the one thing I DON'T like about their games: I can't tear myself away from them without damn near a physical intervention! My current obsession is Oxygen Not Included, a god forsaken early access game that feels pretty darn complete, robust even! I don't do early access games, but that's a whole other article. The point I'm trying to make, is Klei laces each and every game with coke. Good. I'm glad we had this conversation.

Making a game isn't hard. Making it good is much tougher, but making me feel like a proper child again? That's an art. Klei is incredible for this more than anything in my eyes. And I'm going to use Oxygen is Not Included as my example. 

This game screams the make-believe crazy-pants that I used to play with my friends, specifically the expand at your own peril expansion and the art style. Man. That art. And that sound! The design as a whole is somehow adorable and then...kind of disturbing. Your colonists - sorry, duplicants (which is brilliant, ps) - are hilariously adorable one minute, hard at work and all smiles, then pissing and stress vomiting until they die the next. Then there's the mush-bar, which is basically a sci-fi mud-pie(side note: sci-fi mud-pie is the name of my electro-country album). I made these damn things when I was but knee-high to a hair! I made them and then...well, I made my cousin eat them. She's fine. 

My point was made above, but I'll threaten being further redundant. Klei understands and can implement a very crucial aspect of play that many devs don't execute as well: reminding us of the imagination most all of us used as kids. Their systems make proper use of your personal creativity and then give you fair consequences, not limitations, with your choices. They damn near make your imagination real. 

Okay. It's late and I'm dead tired. Also, I'm going to go play more Oxygen. Sweet dreams.

Have the best day you've ever had.

Andrew

PS. I googled "electro-country" and the video below came up. I then realized I could have just posted the cotton-eyed joe music video. Eh. For the record I don't hate the song below. I don't like it either. Cool. Back to my game.

Livestream

I really liked how this stream turned out, so here it is. 

That's pretty much all. Oh! Here's some more stuff I wrote a few days later. 

In asking what people want to talk about, among other things, people have mentioned many acceptance, confidence and fear based topics. Those will be covered, rest assured, but I think what would be good is throwing a different kind of event/convention.

No competitions. Jams. No points. Instead focusing on us as people, as artists and athletes having fun. A convention of empowering each of us. Music, food, movement and expression.

I have no money, no venue, no date. I just have an idea I believe in. Maybe it will work. I'll sure try to make it work.

Input is welcome.

Have the best day you've ever had!

Cool. That's about it for now.

Repeating myself: Have the best day you've ever had.

Andrew

Story Time Stream

https://www.patreon.com/andrewslac

I've been writing a serialized story for the better part of 7 months now. Our newest chapter (now weekly) goes up this Friday via patreon. It only costs you $1 a month to be a part, and you get access to every chapter thus far in glorious PDF format to have and to hold etc and so on.

ALSO: You get to be a part of the Story Time Stream, every Friday at 9pm pacific. I'm SO excited for this!

So come and support new works and be a part of the conversation. Grab your leftovers, drop a Washington and have the best day you've ever had.

https://www.patreon.com/andrewslac

PS. Right now the ONLY way to be a part of the Story Time Stream is to be a part of our patreon. SO...do that.

PPS. Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate it. If not: I hope you eat well and have a beautiful time with those you love or by yourself or maybe...maybe you, like, meet a good dude or lass at the pub and like get...make a nice memory.

LOSS

I think I can finally talk about this shit. Not well, mind you. Meh. You should know that this isn't happy, more healing, and will probably upset you in some way. Warned. Also: if you are hurting, you can talk to me.

A few weeks back, maybe over a month ago, a friend I wasn't terribly close to - whom my uncle was rather close to - was murdered. If you were in Portland, had eyes and a TV, you heard about Jakob's murder. He was a good man, who made me and many folks happy. You can google the story for the specifics.

A few weeks back, under a month ago, my friend Nikki killed herself.

I was still dealing with Jakob's death, so hearing that Nikki had died wasn't real, nor would I let it be real. It became real about a week ago, and I've been so very screwed up. 

I miss my friends. 

I'm better now, at least enough to be me again and get what mental work I needed to do done. So I have. Yesterday was sorta OK? The day before sucked out loud. Put them together and you've got me feeling alright enough to talk.

A few years back, really more like almost 2, I tried to kill myself. I didn't. 

You have to ask yourself, why is this so common? But that's a whole other thing.

This is about loss. Two friends died in just over two weeks. I'm no stranger to death and, especially/unfortunately, suicide. I've lost so many people in my life; friends, family, mentors.

I fear losing people all the time. It's always on my mind. I'm afraid a majority of the time. This is what the post is really about.

If I know you, and I love you, there are times where I truly fear losing you. Pretty common. Mom, Dad, Kindell, Jenny, Zach, CamBam, Nick, Mikey, Em, Mollywog, Laurie, Jeff, Ryan, Ryan, Tim, Tana, Abi, Amanda, Lexi, Delancey, Evie, Aaron, John, Gabbi, RoboJoJo, Megan, Big Seth, Dave, Maddie, Brittany, Jillybean, DJ, Uncle Hutch, Uncle Tom, Maddie, Sherie, Darlene, Delanie, Susa, Colin, Isabella, Isadora, Izzy, Vanessa, Haile, Sydward, Reedster, Darcie, Ben, Steph, Tina, Forrest. Done writing names. If I know you and I love you, there are times where I truly fear losing you.

It's important for me that I take time to think about this when I get this far sclounced. (not a word) When I get like this I play games like Dawn of Discovery, Civ, Stellaris, Anno. Games where I can just sit and think, meditate, and feel accomplished in a very easily graspable way. I did that for two days. My ass hurt. I cried some. I feel better.

I miss Will, my uncle, old B, Gramma, Grandpa, Keith, Nikki, Jakob, Phil, Miss Dawn, old S, Torr, Julia, old A, Bumpa, Chris, Wayne, old M, Gail, Mr Daily. No more names. I couldn't remember more.

There is a takeaway here. There is. Look for the pattern behind things and you can learn about things. Maybe it'll help you grieve the loss, or not. Maybe it'll just help you understand what went. Maybe? Maybe you'll be able to help someone if they want/need your help - which is super subjective and sometimes super hard to read and respond to. Maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe...

Dear, Demon Child,

You're an incredible friend. You're a hero. I admire you. You did the right thing. You're what is right in the world. Well done. Well done indeed. 

Dear, Golden Child,

I didn't know you were hurting so badly. I'm sorry we weren't close anymore. Thank you for being in my life. You made it better.

Dear, Magic People,

I'm the good man I am today in large part because of your guidance. Thank you. I love you.

Dear Coach,

I have shoulders now. Thanks for that.

Dear, DBag Jones,

Pay. The fuck. Attention. You greedy shit. You're decent folk. Be better!

Dear, Mr Daily,

Shake rattle and roll, good sir! Thank you for the years. Honoring your memory with the music.

Dear, Gail,

I fucked up. I'm sorry.

Dear, The D,

You're so wonderful. You make the world better. Be strong and live for you! Your story is going to be one for the ages!

Dear, SP,

If only you knew how powerful you are. Thank you for you. I love you.

Dear, High C,

It wasn't fair. Fuck him. You deserved better.

Dear, Ol' B,

It wasn't fair. Fuck him. You deserved better.

Dear, Philly,

Why?

Dear, Fat C,

You were an awful person. Evil. The world is better without you. You killed him.

Dear, Soulful C,

I miss you. You hated yourself, but you were so beautiful. I wish you were here and loved yourself and had another chance. I wish you weren't so filled with fear. I hope heaven exists and you're there, finally happy. I miss you. I really miss you.

Dear, That one Bitch,

I can't believe anyone would want you. I mean...for real. That poor motherfucker. #yasuck!

Dear, Song,

I think about your advice every day. It's the juice! Thank you!

Dear, Jojo and Megatron,

I've been dealing with some OG shit. You two help me breathe. Thank you! Your advice is awesome and helps me feel hooman.

Dear, Steve,

What the fuck were you thinking? Fuck! I feel dirty. You stupid dick!

Dear, CB,

We cool.

Dear, JB,

Change the world, my man. You gonna change the world!

Dear, Younger me,

Keep doin' what you doin'. You'll turn out fine and dandy indeed. Oh! But stay away from most of the internet and opinions out there. You're kicking ass! Believe and you'll be just fine. You're pretty cool. Good job, Slugger.

Dear, Will,

Your death defined me for so many years. I can't even tell you how painful it has been. But I love you and the memory of you so much that it helps me be good and strong and live my life spurred on by love. You are one of my greatest heroes, and I never got to tell you that when I was younger and you were alive. I love you. Always will. Miss you, Will.

That's enough now. I feel okay. Feeling like me again.

Have the best day you've ever had.

Andrew