A Thing About Play (it rhymes with Klei...)

This company gets it. They understand what it is to have a childlike imagination, a pure obsession with play. Every game they've put out - which includes the crazy successful, fun and brutal Don't Starve - encapsulates a fantasy I had as a kid. 

I'm pretty sure I know their formula. 

• 1 part childhood fancy - Klei has a game called Hot Lava, a platformer where you play as toys traversing a bedroom, a school and so on...Oh! And the goddamned floor is lava! I remember this shit! We all did this as kids and it was amazing! Observe the following rad as hell trailer to the right...

• 1 part socio and/or psychopath - Yeah...so...these are the guys who made Don't Starve and Oxygen Not Included. There's all kinds of brutality and consequence in these two properties. In Don't Starve...well, you can starve. You can also go insane via otherworldly horrors, including but not limited to: Pig Men, shadow born horrors and Elder Gods...of sorts. He might also be Satan, I wasn't entirely sure... Faust? Anyway. Then there's the whole suffocating thing in Oxygen Not Included, as well as your team flat nutting out and doing whatever their stress addled AI decides to do - wreck things, jump into space, eat a poison mushroom, you know how it is.

• Pure, uncut drugs - Okay, that's hoosafudge, but they've got their formula down to a sweet addictive science. They know their systems and they know how to snag you in for the long haul. And that might actually be the one thing I DON'T like about their games: I can't tear myself away from them without damn near a physical intervention! My current obsession is Oxygen Not Included, a god forsaken early access game that feels pretty darn complete, robust even! I don't do early access games, but that's a whole other article. The point I'm trying to make, is Klei laces each and every game with coke. Good. I'm glad we had this conversation.

Making a game isn't hard. Making it good is much tougher, but making me feel like a proper child again? That's an art. Klei is incredible for this more than anything in my eyes. And I'm going to use Oxygen is Not Included as my example. 

This game screams the make-believe crazy-pants that I used to play with my friends, specifically the expand at your own peril expansion and the art style. Man. That art. And that sound! The design as a whole is somehow adorable and then...kind of disturbing. Your colonists - sorry, duplicants (which is brilliant, ps) - are hilariously adorable one minute, hard at work and all smiles, then pissing and stress vomiting until they die the next. Then there's the mush-bar, which is basically a sci-fi mud-pie(side note: sci-fi mud-pie is the name of my electro-country album). I made these damn things when I was but knee-high to a hair! I made them and then...well, I made my cousin eat them. She's fine. 

My point was made above, but I'll threaten being further redundant. Klei understands and can implement a very crucial aspect of play that many devs don't execute as well: reminding us of the imagination most all of us used as kids. Their systems make proper use of your personal creativity and then give you fair consequences, not limitations, with your choices. They damn near make your imagination real. 

Okay. It's late and I'm dead tired. Also, I'm going to go play more Oxygen. Sweet dreams.

Have the best day you've ever had.

Andrew

PS. I googled "electro-country" and the video below came up. I then realized I could have just posted the cotton-eyed joe music video. Eh. For the record I don't hate the song below. I don't like it either. Cool. Back to my game.

Core Experience Robbed

I originally named this Games That Are Basically Masturbating Whores.

You read that right. And if you made it this far: thank you for coming!

I was going to do this as a vlog, and maybe I still will, but I'm out of the house and no where near my camera so a good old blog will do nicely. Also, this is just a quick thing that was on my mind while I had a decent headache.

Games have evolved a few times, bringing new subjects and systems and so on and so forth. There's two that fascinate me these days more than most.

1. Idle Games - I couldn't believe this was a thing when I first saw it. A game that is designed to accrue you points or money or whatever the digital currency it's slinging so that you can check in here and there and feel accomplished.

I'm actually kind of okay with these! It feels good to accomplish something, or in this case to have something accomplished in your name. I support these (thank you cookie clicker and hero clicker), and that's pretty much all I can say about them. They're games, I guess.

2. Free to Play Games - Free to download and play and probably has some form of energy or stamina that limits your playtime. They come with in-app purchases typically and allow you to buy things like said stamina/energy to keep playing, or just go balls out and unlock incredible power from the get go. These games, specifically the systems, are pretty broken, and there are plenty that are just bad games. These also have tremendous potential to be powerful forces in the gaming community and I honestly think there is something here for entertainment, education and economics, but the formula is still much greater geared toward greed.

The folks at extra credits can give you more detail on this subject (f2p games) and I'm a big fan of theirs. Check them out in this order:
1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwI0u9L4R8U
2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBtXyv0Q1Eg
3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxDz6RWncVM

I never...NEVER thought these two game types would have a demon baby. You take the free to play aspects, especially the stamina thing and the monetary transactions, and you combine it with an idle games standard of it playing itself. This becomes something that demands your money while not really even having you play. If you buy into the system, you are no longer playing and merely watching the game play itself. You're watching the game masturbate for money. Score?

The only argument I've heard in favor of this type of entertainment was something along these lines: It's like watching TV but with a cast of characters you picked. Fair enough. That doesn't sound too bad! I'd love to watch a version of Firefly with an all Wash cast!

My counter to that argument is simple: It's not TV. Really, aside from the potential ethical implications of select f2p/idle games, there's nothing wrong with this formula beyond that I think it's shit.

Games are meant to be played. They assist in the advancement of the self and relaxation through basically tinkering. They are a safe place that can increase hand-eye coordination (insert another masturbation joke there...insert...). Games have been shown to assist with all manner of stat-growth, as it were, including coping mechanisms, communication and reasoning skills. More importantly: games are meant to be played because it is fun to play. Sitting and watching has never been more exhilarating than participating. And if you take the purpose of a game away, to be played, then you remove it from being a game.

Pretty much all I have on the subject right now. My head hurts from studying these things for the past couple weeks. I must have played two dozen of them, and they all basically function the same way with different skins.

Like I said, these have great potential, F2P games, as do idle games, but together they remove the core experience from what a game is. I for one felt like a middle management zombie during playtime and then a chunk after. Hopefully it gets worked out. Hopefully these don't take up too much real estate in the gaming market.

I'm going to shower. My head is mush now.

Have the best day you've ever had.

Why Did We Stop Playing?

I remember the days; high rights, low lefts even-stevens and fades.

I had a very specific way I needed to play Until Dawn: with actual humans in the room, actual friends butts in chairs / on sofas, actually present. Horror movies are meant to be seen with people you can scream with, hide with and with whom you can share sage advice (don't go in there HE'S BEHIND THE DOOR!). The same holds true for me with Horror games.

But remember when all games were like that? Remember the days of a room filled with your folk and the circus of advice, support and ridicule you'd endured? Junk food being we forced into our growing guts, jones soda and jolt to keep us awake (we used lipton brisk ice tea because it was smooth enough to drink in under five seconds, one can, and had the caffeine count of two cups of coffee. Health).  

Gaming was a social thing, despite what the mid-late nineties PSA garbage would have you believe.

SIDE NOTE: I remember this ad. It was ridiculous for so many reasons, never mind the phallic demon head near the guys dick. Games make you not want your smokin' hot significant other? Have you met a gamer? Do you know how horny we are? What do you think we think about all day? Answer: sex and killin' goblins...Sometimes sex goblins (ps I googled sex-goblin. RIP search history).

I looked forward to Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil and Final Fantasy 7 with the boys more than damn near anything we would do. And it wasn't like those were all co-op games! Especially Final Fantasy 7! Its an epic RPG that made grown ass men cry, yet we shared that pain together. A band of brothers bonding over pixelated trauma (RIP Aeris...cause her name was NOT Aerith at the time). 

When and why did the switch happen?

I know it was a quiet change and was due to convenience. I know that more people own systems now than when I was but my early teens. I can see and experience the benefits of remote online play with your crew, but it is just not the same.

The switch happened because it's easy to pop on a system, see that Allen is online playing something you both like and drop in and out of the game as you see fit. There's far less responsibility to keep it going. You don't kill the game for Allen if you drop out at some point.

It comes down to the energy of the room for me. I can remember the times I've played online with friends who weren't physically present in the room. But I couldn't tell you specifics beyond what probably happened in-game. 

I've got a library of vivid memories of entire gaming days with the
crew. Lan parties and the carcinogenic smell of burning dust on monitors. The taste of taco-bell grande meals and entire cases of grape soda laid low in the span of a single day. Jokes and insults and high-fives and don't even get me started on the social experiment that was the arcade!

Both are good, but like any live activity, gaming is made better by sharing the experience with your folk. It's a story you now directly share with another person, thus creating a bond that could bridge some social gap, especially if one of you isn't necessarily a gamer (example: a couple where one is and one isn't said gamer. Cliches are great!). It opens a dialogue, usually of things not game related that were inspired by the content or even just the visceral experience of sharing a something with a someone.

I had to play this game with my best friend because it wouldn't have been as fun or memorable without her, and because I flat out wanted to.

A part of me craves those days of sitting and gaming with friends. It is what hooked me on games more than the games themselves.

I've mentioned dealing with depression. This helped me deal as a kid, teen and adult when it felt like I was alone in a room packed with people. It was an easy way to get close to others and stumble in to territory we would have otherwise not discussed. From sex to strength to human rights to advertising to violence and so on and so forth. Nothing was off limits because, in a way, we were experiencing these things via our chosen activity. And because video games cover such a broad spectrum of topics and genre and so on, we were never in short supply of conversational fuel.

It ends up being the same question that people ask about being physical: why did we stop playing?

I love technology and do almost everything on the internet because that's how the world is wired, for the most part. But I think I'm finally seeing the disconnect first-hand and I'm seeing it in video games, of all places! Don't get me wrong, I've watched it for some time in our general society, I'm not blind, I just thought that games were safe. It's ignorant, I know. It's flat out close minded and a tad stupid of me to think that. I admit it. I'm growing.

Story time: I didn't sleep but two hours last night. I had some severe anxiety and the ol gray matter wouldn't rest. It happens. When it happens I get lonely. My depression manifests as loneliness first, followed by self-worth usually with my eye judgmentally on my physical self. I went on to my various social media outlets to calm down and find connection, like a grand number of folk do, but I didn't feel connected by the end. Sure felt lonelier though. Imagine being a fisherman who casts their line, again and again, but no bounty is brought home. It starves you emotionally. Even when I get to talk to my folk in the late AM via messenger or text and so on, it doesn't feel the same as feeding on their energy, sharing the experience in the physical world.

DISCLAIMER: I love the internet and tech and I'm not attacking it. If it works for you: you do you. This is about me. There. Ass official covered.

It was so important to me that I play this game with my people physically there because I can't keep being sad or lonely and finding a temporary bandage in my activities alone. I am a social creature, and while I don't believe in finding your full happiness solely in another person, emotional healing is made far easier by sharing, commiserating, laughing and so on with another human. So, Kindell (Jesus Feist), I love you and can't wait to play more of this. It was so much fun and meant so much to me.

ADVICE: Are you a gamer who wants to share gaming, a thing you love, with a friend, family member or Boo (a person you love)? Try presenting it as a movie like experience and discus it with them. They may or may not want to play, but they might want to learn or experience it all the same. Make it a social activity that can open up new dialogue between you. It doesn't need to be deep, it can just be about how pretty the game is, which leads you to talking about hiking perhaps, then a day doing something the other person might call their wheel house. Maybe they do find they want to play! Then you've got a homie to game with! Maybe you play something like Journey or The Last of Us and a dialogue about loss and the future opens. You've got options!

My point falls where it usually does: be passionate about your passions (best sentence ever), and share with another person not just the single aspect of said passion (killing it, sentence gods). Share with them everything, dig deeper and find meaning, find common ground, work to understand one another via your afore mentioned passions (mic drop, word smith, rap god).

Deep or shallow, the things we love will bring us all closer together. It's through curiosity and questioning that we can bridge gaps, through the sharing of and listening to our various passions that we can allow others to learn, and through learning about the people around us that the world gets smaller, more intimate, less scary and far more rich. Give yourself and your people the opportunity to understand you, and have the patience and love to help them understand where you're coming from.

Take the time to share, listen and learn.

Have the best day you've ever had.

From Plague: I Rise, Wheezing and Clear

From PAX I was gifted the plague, from Kumo: the sickness. Fuck these last two weeks in regards to my health.

But enough of that.

Today is the first day back at the gym (Black Rose ftw woot 420 no scope blaze-it swoltownusa roflcopterbbq creatine hench motherfucker). I'm so happy to feel my body again. That's mostly what this post is about.

I've been dancing for most of my life as a profession. Now I'm not and I've been feeling myself slide into a lesser version of myself. I don't stretch or get enough standard exercise, never mind the creative gap (fixing that). But mostly it's the physical side that's lacking. But this post is about the good stuff, the oooey gooey center of exercise that is feeling at one with your body.

I can't tell you how happy I am to be shaky and tired and so on and so forth via the post workout down period. My head is clearer (which may also come from no longer having the aforementioned plague/sickness that is freely traded at any convention).

Timing is a funny thing. Like most people I get into the headspace of "I wish I had done this that or the other" guilt-spiral bullshit. Excuses. I think you've heard of them? It's a thing where... Never mind. Sarcasm not needed. My bad. Here's a picture of Ronda Rousey looking fabulous and badass to make up for my un-needed dickery (fabul-ass... I like it! That sounds better than it did in my head!)

I spend the majority of my day, like most nerds/the average human these days, sitting at my desk or being otherwise occupied with things that inspire a hunched posture. It sucks! I used to be an athlete. I'm not these days. I'm working on it. Anyway, being once in incredible shape and not currently being there, I know what it feels like to be at one with your physical self and not. To be powerful, feel unstoppable, and to not. What's that saying? Ignorance is bliss? It's kind of true. It's a cowards excuse, but there is some truth to that. But again, I'm getting off track.

What this time away from the physical has given me is time to heal. Then I got sick and it gave me a pain in the ass. Two weeks of being deeply in my head. Here's the cool thing about that: where back in the day I would have wallowed in this state, instead I took my own advice and turned the proverbial frown upside down.

I spent so much time analyzing how I was feeling, and where I was physically and emotionally. The short of what I came up with was a few things I was missing from my life that would push me past where I have ever been.

Easy enough: Schedule was first. Creative outlet was second. And third was tying the two into training.

Schedule is easy: make a schedule. Stick to it. Done. Been working so far, even as loose as demands on my time are these days.

Creative outlet. Also easy: Write all the time. Editing counts. Ideas count. Want to be a writer? WRITE! Done. Dance has been lacking, but I found a new exercise to heal and strengthen quicker so I can get back in the game. Working so far. To be clear: I don't want to pursue a career in dance anymore. It's an unforgiving business with very little income on the average. Not interested. It's gonna have to be my passion. Stoked.

Tying the two into training: I love crossfit. Black Rose has been a great home and I feel powerful doing the exercises we do in the space I get to work in. It's not for everyone, but it's for me. Boxing and Muay thai fill my need for martial arts. Insert WOOT here. The newest addition to the group is a couple of break dancing exercises that essentially mimics parkour training (quadrupedal movement and sustained body weight transference), and bullet time... I just really wanted to get the term "bullet time" into this post. Remember the matrix? Remember all the slowing down during run and gun scenes? Bullet time. Being less of a nerd: You do break dancing vocab, but you either do your moves horrendously slow, or you go from medium fast to slow ass all hell, move by move. It's weirdly fun! And it builds control like a sonofabitch!

That's pretty much where I'm at with the physical.

The last little bit, which has plagued me for some time, is the missing tool. I'm a writer, a dancer, an actor and a metric fuck ton of other things. Finding a single tool to best facilitate being a professional artist (with a decent wage) has been a trial. And then there's youtube.

I have a whole thing I want to say on youtube, but I'll save it for another post. The short: I honestly think youtube is the key to my success as an artist. Yes, I'm late to the party, but you gotta get there sometime, right? Call it fashionably late. I've been doing youtube gaming (let's plays mostly) as a new hobby for about a month. I love it. It's strange how commentating on anything can give you creative confidence and help clear your head. It helps that I grew up as a gamer. But more on that later. (let's play of Enemy Mind down below).

For now I'm going to go to my new place and haul crap out of the garage, then remodel a bathroom.

Have the best day you've ever had!

Level Up/The Plateau

I don't know what to do with my excess energy these days. I learn something new everyday, I train, I sleep well, eat well and do the things that I want to do. What the fuck is the source of this energy? Wait, I'd rather know what to do with it. Redundant question: What do I do with my excess energy? It's a tad frustrating.

I had a friend some time ago (or some guy/girl I knew. I think he was a friend) tell me that excess energy, when it becomes frustration, is a sign that you are unfulfilled. I didn't agree with them whole-heartedly at the time, and I don't really now, but maybe there is something to that. Why be frustrated if you're doing the things that make you feel strong or relaxed? The thing is: I feel like I'm doing the right things, the things I'm good at, but I still have this irritating knot in the center of my brow. I wonder why that is?

I'm less inclined to believe it's a case of being unfulfilled. It feels more like a need to level up, so to speak.

I need to improve. It's a positive anxiety. For as long as I can remember, I was steadily improving in everything I did. I've come to a pretty pronounced slow-down.

The feeling must be the plateau, the inevitable place you get to where progress evens-out and your gains are not as dramatic. I'm not going for arrogance here, but I am a stranger to the plateau. I work hard and train and research and listen to those greater than me in order to improve and be better than I was five seconds ago. I've always gained quickly and regularly. Redundant statement: I'm new to the plateau.

I so badly want to exist in an RPG (role playing game). Hello, my name is Andrew and I am a nerd. I say this due to many things, mostly the leveling up, the tangible representation of immediate growth and change. I'm impatient and improvement hungry. I wonder if that's because I play video games, or why I do.

There are services that work for people, many of which I've tried, that attempt to replicate role playing elements (fitocracy and habit rpg for example). They're great. But I want a real life rpg.

The plateau doesn't exist in as black and white form in said genre. When you hit max level or even just get into a rut mid-game, you can go do side-quests and collect loot and etc (yes, I see the allegory for life. I know. I'll get back to work in a minute, but I'm bitching for now. Catharsis and all that).

I'm stoked as all hell for google glass or some facsimile to allow for ARG (augmented reality gaming). I hear we're getting holograms from microsoft in little over a fortnight... Also this lady >





Who I'm pretty sure is ending up like the following on your various electronic devices:

I vote sexy hologram lady over something vaguely hal-like, but maybe that's just me. 2001...go watch it. You'll understand why. Also, I'm pretty sure she calls you chief. Which is just cool. Let me be clear: I by no means have dom/sub fantasies, military relationship fantasies in which you break rank or anything. I also have no problems with, and have a huge love for, badass titles. Again: nerd.

If I could live in a semi-fantasy world where I could slay a goblin and collect the spoils of my conquest, I would. If I could blacksmith talons of a great dragon or artifice magical items for me and mine, I would. The Matrix? Not such a bad idea! Maybe less human farming though (or none...none is good). The holo-deck would be better, obviously.

The world we live in is beautiful, endlessly inspiring... but I want to shoot a fireball out of my hand! Don't you?

Imagine rolling down the street in your Honda and... what's that I see above? A level 12 harpy? Well shit and shazaam! You take aim with the flat of your palm, mutter some incantation (or not) and then BOOSH! A gem falls, or maybe a pinion, perhaps a reward screen pops up with your well-gotten gains in loot!

You'd better believe that the second something resembling the Full-Dive (http://swordartonline.wikia.com/wiki/FullDive) exists, I'm dropping my life-savings into it and riding that virtual adventure for all it's worth.

Until then, I will go on a walk, listen to my soundtrack (today it's Con Bro Chill http://conbrochill.com/), do my day job, dance, try to relax and... You know, I'm writing this and it leads me here: Maybe the plateau isn't so bad!

I had never thought about this before, but could the plateau be a place for you to take stock of where you are? A mental break from the uphill growth section of your life that allows you to process and evaluate said process? Fuck! That's good stuff right there!

Maybe it's a place that you can walk softly and test out your new abilities/knowledge in a safe environment within before taxing yourself further.

I realize that many of you have probably already come to this conclusion. You're awesome. It's new for me.

The plateau can allow you to rest. Holy sweet mother of all that's grand and beautiful. I like that. Rest. The plateau can be your vacation. It can be your escape from your self-imposed regimen that we all take too seriously at one point or another.

Well then. I have nothing left to say. I am satisfied. I still would like to live in a more nerd-based, rpg inclined universe, though. Yeah... that'd be cool.

A Beautiful RAGE QUIT (This War of Mine)

I wanted to title this: RAGE QUIT / Why This War of Mine is Important, but it was too long. But that's what this is really about, a video game that has gotten so far under my skin that I can't help but feel something.

This post is all about the game "This War of Mine," a something I picked up on Steam during their annual Holiday Steam Sale (that should be subtitled "Bahahahaha, I am Gabe Newell! Bow before me and shake loose the monetary sacrifice that is customary this time of year. I am Gabe Newell and your heart shall be broken through entertainment and the draining of your pocket book through your supple, defenseless anus. I AM GABE NEWELL and I shall shuffle loose your bank account from this mortal coil! Gabe Newell has spoken, and though you touch the hem of my garment and become healed, you find yourself with but a pox of surplus games you CANNOT HOPE TO COMPLETE!!!) If you're a gamer, then you know.

This War of Mine is a survival game from the perspective of the civilians, not the soldiers. This is fairly uncommon and means that you're not a gun toting badass or a trained killer. Think the Sims meets the 1992-96 Siege of Sarajevo during the Bosnian War and there you have This War of Mine (full wiki here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_War_of_Mine). 

I've played roughly 13 hours of this game so far. Steam has a counter of your accrued hours in game to remind you how much of your life you spend in your chair, slowly dissolving into a pool of contentment and hungry-man dinners. In these 13 hours, I haven't completed the game once. And yet, I keep coming back for more, trying again and again a game that takes me back to the good old days of youth and gaming. This is not an easy game, not in the sense we've become accustom. It doesn't tell you what to do, there is no tutorial and there are real consequences. Your characters can die! And when you do, they do not respawn and your other characters feel terrible for the loss, just like you. So why play? I'm not a fan of rogue-likes usually, especially ones like this where you don't get any new, weighty unlockables (new weapons, more items, though you do get to pick other characters to start with). I play this because I give a damn about the characters. I honestly care about their well being. I want them to survive because, thanks to some brilliant design in mechanics, the developers at 11Bit Studios (http://www.11bitstudios.com/games/16/this-war-of-mine) have put me into the mindset of a survivor, again and again. I have also exited this game through a rage quit each. and. every. time. I still come back for more.

I don't need to explain the mechanics, if you want to know the full game how-to, then you can wiki that shit. It's gold. The gist, is that during the day you are confined to your house. They mention here and there that it's because military snipers are killing anything that moves during the day. So when the sun is up, you fix up your squat into a livable shelter. During the night, you send one... ONE! ONLY ONE!!! of your three or four (maybe more?) civilians into areas to scavenge for supplies (food, building supplies, ammo, etc.). During these runs, your characters might encounter thugs or military that might just want to kill you. You might also step into another groups squat and then THEY might want to kill you.

My poor bastard, Pavle, has been killed each and every time for one reason or another. He is also the only one who has been killed. Sorry, Pavle. Pavle has died due to the following reason (all gunshots but all caused by different things): I tried to steal from an elderly couple, not thinking their middle aged guardian son would show up and shotgun me down. I entered a place that I didn't know (because apparently I can't read) belonged to a whole house of civilians ready to protect their own. They all shot me. No joke. Five people with pistols aerated my Pavle. Again, sorry, Pavle. There are more, plenty more, but the most recent foray into Pavle's Edge of Tomorrow was about twenty minutes ago. I learned that some thugs had killed a good priest who had been taking care of people and providing them a place of their own. So I entered, armed pretty well and silently took out the first. I took his ammo and gun and moved on and found the next. I got the drop on him too, but had to shoot him. The sound brought two more of his buddies. I was able to block one off, but had to engage the other. I had him. I HAD HIM. And I ran out of bullets when I tried to pull the last shot. Did I run? I panicked. Then I died. Pavle was again shot down. But it was okay, so I thought, because I learned that if you Alt-F4 out, you trump the autosave and won't die! NOPE!!! I somehow activated the voice-over function on my computer instead, giving the game plenty of time to autosave and give me the finger in the form of a photo of Pavle's lifeless face.

He was peaceful. I know he's not, but when I look at his picture I think he's smiling. I, however, was shouting fuck several times and threw a stress ball across my room. My heart was racing and I was angry and kind of sad. I failed again, but I was sadder that when I logged back in, Pavle would still be dead. I got him killed because I couldn't be patient. I rushed in and, once again, watched him die.

Yes! It's a video game! NO, Pavle doesn't really exist in a way that can physically effect my life. I can't hang out with him on a Friday, grab a beer and talk about life in war torn Yugoslav and how things are better/different if they are at all. But I am a nerd, a person who frequents the worlds we create in our head, on paper and in cyber space. I am moved, changed, inspired, hurt, wronged etc by the things that happen in fiction. And that's why a something like This War of Mine is important. Jokes and cursing aside, things that dare to take us to places we fear or obsess over or yearn for are the most valuable. I am terrified of failure, of loosing control, and this game gives you so many opportunities to fail in monumental, important and permanent ways. You can take too many trips to the same location to salvage because it's a safer zone, but you might miss out on an area for weeks because the military moved its fighting there. The weather may change and you might not have the furnace up to snuff. Your people get sick, sad, then depressed and then they die. You might get desperate and raid an elderly couple and watch in disbelief, as the player, as they don't fight back. They sit, cower, and just beg and plead for you to stop and just leave them alone. You don't. You take their things and leave them to the elements and other raiders. Because that's what you have become. You're a bandit, though you might be one for the sake of saving your own.

The beautiful truth of this game, and of fiction like it, is that you feel something. You learn a bit about yourself and what you just might do in those situations. I'm a fairly smug gamer. I'm good at video games on the whole and I feel like I know what they'll throw at me. I treated the situation like I was a call of duty soldier on many occasions and wound up dead each time. There is no respawn. This game reminds me to be thoughtful. To take my time and do the things that I don't want to do for the sake of my greater good. It reminds me that things get messy, no matter how big or small, things can go so far south that they are miles beyond your control. You learn, grow and adapt and change with those monkey-wrenches. You adapt and grow or you remain as the oak tree in the storm and fight, stubbornly, until you're flat on your back come sunrise.

Of course, it is just a game, if you want it to be. It doesn't have to teach you anything if you don't want it too. But please let it. I hope you let your fiction influence your reality. There are so many things that you can learn, that you can gain from visiting a place that isn't your own, a place fake but full of valuable things. Give it a shot.

Dirty, Nerdy Developers

Boy do I have a boner for in-jokes. I'll back up. The prompt for this post came while I was playing Shadow of Mordor.

It's a great game, whether or not you love/like/likelike the LOTR universe. It is also pretty much Assassin's Creed and a number of other franchises smashed together into a hybrid baby of very successful proportions. It is. Don't say otherwise. It's AC with more magic and that's fine by me.

Back to the point. I love in-jokes (having an afore mentioned fictional nerd erection when they are found in games). They (in-jokes) are proof that the developers give a damn beyond their paycheck. It is an easy argument that can be made that they obviously love their job or they would put their coding skills to use elsewhere. However, I love what I do and have done plenty of shit side jobs I hated to make a buck. In-jokes, easter eggs, those sorts of things, they prove a true caring for the craft/medium. So I go on...

In Shadow of Mordor, there is the Nemesis System. It's mighty fine. Could have been done a little better, but that's not the topic of this post nor is it anything more than opinion. For a more full explanation of it go here: http://www.ign.com/wikis/middle-earth-shadow-of-mordor/The_Nemesis_System

You have the possibility to get any one of several god-knows-how-many names/titles for your enemies. Most are threatening, powerful, grotesque, maybe even majestic! My nemesis was named Kuga-Luga (koo-GAH-loo-GAH) The Heart Eater. Not bad! And he was a dick! He'd almost kill me every time I found him (and he was never alone), and I could never land the killing blow! He was tenacious, vicious and crafty. And it felt good, nay, RIGHT when I finally separated his head from his body during the final push on the Black Hand's keep. Other names included Thrak of the Wastes (who carried a flaming sword), the canonical Ratbag the Coward (voiced by the amazing and omnipresent Phil Lamar), even Golm the Hotheaded was something of a badass (he had a brazer on his freaking head and was immune, even robust to everything). But there was one uruk, one super orc that stood above the rest with a name so perfect, so... Screw it, his name was Dûsh the Sickly.

Dûsh the Sickly. Pronounced, yes, douche (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Douche) the mother-fucking sickly.

I know I'm not the only person to find this guy. He has gone by at least another name I googled: Dûsh of the Stench. No joke. Proof:

I'm guessing that my guy (the sickly) either came from or became "of the stench" at some point. At least, he would have had I not chopped his friggin' head off in less than a blink. He was such a pushover. I was saddened, too! I wanted to save this guy for my personal army! I wanted to make him a chieftain! Imagine, Chieftain Dûsh, the mightiest of the ranks, sitting atop his crooked throne and raining down... punishment? I guess? Sickness? Baking soda and water with a pleasant floral scent? On his enemies?

What made this even better was the fact that each and every uruk elite is herald by a very refined and semi-sinister announcer. It felt like hearing Andy Serkis announce my every enemy. Oh Dûsh, the hours (honest to god hours) of laughter you've given me. You will be missed. I also had a drink in his honor. Again, not kidding.

The developers had of been laughing. They had to! I mean... come on! Anyhow, whether or not you made it this far, here's a little link for your trouble. If you're interested in easter eggs, video games have some great ones. I'll do a post on them as a whole some other time.

EASTER EGGS: http://www.businessinsider.com/best-video-game-easter-eggs-ever-2014-7?op=1

For now, remember Dûsh as I remember him: as a light of joy that shone, though briefly, on my time in Mordor. Thank you... Sweet lord! Your name was Douche! Best! Best damned thing ever. (note: the author of this post is not, in fact, a 12 year old boy. He is a man in his 29th year with refined tastes for things such as whiskey, the arts and has the humor of a teenager at best... Douche sure is a funny word...)

Day 14 - Penny Arcade

I have many people I look up too, but for art and right out "being a dork," my heart sorta belongs to Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik of Penny Arcade. Truth, I did have to google how to spell Mike's last name. I chose now to bring them up because the 18th of this month, Penny Arcade celebrated its 15th year, being founded November 18th 1998. Notably, their 15th brought out some sweet swag and Mike also redrew the original strip (below). Truth 2, I did buy the commemorative swag, and to reiterate: it is, indeed, sweet.

the first penny arcade strip

the 15th anniversary edition

Penny Arcade, for the uninitiated, is a web comic that centers around mostly gamer culture and the regular mutilation of one or more of the two main characters. The two main characters, though not at first, are loosely, and sometimes dead on, the series creators and heads, Mike and Jerry (Gabe and Tycho, respectively). Penny Arcade's subject matter and sense of humor and timing is right up my alley, ranging from crass, violent and dirty to poignant, witty and sentimental. Mike draws and does punch up, while Jerry writes and co-conceptualizes, typically churning out 3 comics a week!

I wasn't there from the beginning. I tuned in once, thought it was cool and didn't really latch on as I was afraid of sinking further into my true geek side. I'm not being cute, I really was afraid. I first heard about the site and strip during my fifth week of college, 2004, from my first room mate, Coco. Coco was solid gold, and what I like to refer to as a "gateway nerd." More on that later. It wasn't until only two years ago that I checked the site out again, but it wasn't the comic that I first latched on to. It was Penny Arcade - The Series. Even if you aren't a gamer, the series is worth a look. The PA team is involved with and has created many things that are good and amazing (PAX, Child's Play, Strip Search to name a few), but today it's all about The Series.

penny arcade the series - season 1, episode 1 - The Pilot, pt 1

The Series is a backstage look at Penny Arcade, primarily focusing on Mike and Jerry, but branching out to the other incredible members of their staff in their day-to-day and special events. Though it does have the air of stalker-ish to say, you really get to know the cast and crew of the Penny Arcade family. The Series showcases damn-near everything, from PAX footage (Penny Arcade Expo...more on that later), to office work, to specials on pranks (Pepsi, 'nuff said), the office ping-pong matches (no shit), and even weddings and family life and more. There was even an especially powerful episode that talked about Mike and Jerry's life with anxiety/depression (something that most dorks, me included, know a thing or two about), and their experience and opinions about a particular serotonin re-uptake inhibitor (Lexapro). On the real, they share their lives, both professional and private, and it's interesting and entertaining the whole way through. Like many who are fans of their work, I felt like I was given a confidence boost, even a pass to be a geek, watching the series. It was an inside scoop and sort of comfort to see brilliant, talented, good people as the spokes-folks for gamers and nerds, as it were.

penny arcade the series - season 1, episode 18 - Drugs

In no small way, they made me unafraid, even helped me become proud to be passionate about what I love. For me, and for a boat load of the world, games matter just as much as any medium. They were my escape and favorite form of story-telling growing up, and that has stuck with me now that I'm in my 28th year. I've felt every emotion through gaming, just as much as I had from books, TV and the big screen. Games matter for so many reasons that I don't need to go into now. But for some reason, they're still touted as a waste of time, and those that are passionate about them even more so. Yes, it's gotten better since I was a kid, no question, but it's only been a year or three where I can confidently take my 3DS out in a public place and receive only a small glance and harrumph from the occasional doink. Penny Arcade has become something of the pioneers for us, the gamers and geeks, creating a powerful and positive beacon on the planet for anyone who is/was/will be passionate about gaming, and being proud of who you are. For me and many others, Penny Arcade has helped us grow.

In recognition of their 15 years, I don't have much to give, but you have my thanks, and my admiration. Thank you to Mike Krahulik, Jerry Holkins, and the entire Penny Arcade family. You're doing so many wonderful things, making the world for so many so much brighter.

This is just a small, minute really, taste of PA. It's just the first thing that got me hooked. If you're interested, please check out the videos above, and follow the link below to hit their website.

http://www.penny-arcade.com/

Thank you for your time, those of you that made it this far.

Andrew