From Plague: I Rise, Wheezing and Clear

From PAX I was gifted the plague, from Kumo: the sickness. Fuck these last two weeks in regards to my health.

But enough of that.

Today is the first day back at the gym (Black Rose ftw woot 420 no scope blaze-it swoltownusa roflcopterbbq creatine hench motherfucker). I'm so happy to feel my body again. That's mostly what this post is about.

I've been dancing for most of my life as a profession. Now I'm not and I've been feeling myself slide into a lesser version of myself. I don't stretch or get enough standard exercise, never mind the creative gap (fixing that). But mostly it's the physical side that's lacking. But this post is about the good stuff, the oooey gooey center of exercise that is feeling at one with your body.

I can't tell you how happy I am to be shaky and tired and so on and so forth via the post workout down period. My head is clearer (which may also come from no longer having the aforementioned plague/sickness that is freely traded at any convention).

Timing is a funny thing. Like most people I get into the headspace of "I wish I had done this that or the other" guilt-spiral bullshit. Excuses. I think you've heard of them? It's a thing where... Never mind. Sarcasm not needed. My bad. Here's a picture of Ronda Rousey looking fabulous and badass to make up for my un-needed dickery (fabul-ass... I like it! That sounds better than it did in my head!)

I spend the majority of my day, like most nerds/the average human these days, sitting at my desk or being otherwise occupied with things that inspire a hunched posture. It sucks! I used to be an athlete. I'm not these days. I'm working on it. Anyway, being once in incredible shape and not currently being there, I know what it feels like to be at one with your physical self and not. To be powerful, feel unstoppable, and to not. What's that saying? Ignorance is bliss? It's kind of true. It's a cowards excuse, but there is some truth to that. But again, I'm getting off track.

What this time away from the physical has given me is time to heal. Then I got sick and it gave me a pain in the ass. Two weeks of being deeply in my head. Here's the cool thing about that: where back in the day I would have wallowed in this state, instead I took my own advice and turned the proverbial frown upside down.

I spent so much time analyzing how I was feeling, and where I was physically and emotionally. The short of what I came up with was a few things I was missing from my life that would push me past where I have ever been.

Easy enough: Schedule was first. Creative outlet was second. And third was tying the two into training.

Schedule is easy: make a schedule. Stick to it. Done. Been working so far, even as loose as demands on my time are these days.

Creative outlet. Also easy: Write all the time. Editing counts. Ideas count. Want to be a writer? WRITE! Done. Dance has been lacking, but I found a new exercise to heal and strengthen quicker so I can get back in the game. Working so far. To be clear: I don't want to pursue a career in dance anymore. It's an unforgiving business with very little income on the average. Not interested. It's gonna have to be my passion. Stoked.

Tying the two into training: I love crossfit. Black Rose has been a great home and I feel powerful doing the exercises we do in the space I get to work in. It's not for everyone, but it's for me. Boxing and Muay thai fill my need for martial arts. Insert WOOT here. The newest addition to the group is a couple of break dancing exercises that essentially mimics parkour training (quadrupedal movement and sustained body weight transference), and bullet time... I just really wanted to get the term "bullet time" into this post. Remember the matrix? Remember all the slowing down during run and gun scenes? Bullet time. Being less of a nerd: You do break dancing vocab, but you either do your moves horrendously slow, or you go from medium fast to slow ass all hell, move by move. It's weirdly fun! And it builds control like a sonofabitch!

That's pretty much where I'm at with the physical.

The last little bit, which has plagued me for some time, is the missing tool. I'm a writer, a dancer, an actor and a metric fuck ton of other things. Finding a single tool to best facilitate being a professional artist (with a decent wage) has been a trial. And then there's youtube.

I have a whole thing I want to say on youtube, but I'll save it for another post. The short: I honestly think youtube is the key to my success as an artist. Yes, I'm late to the party, but you gotta get there sometime, right? Call it fashionably late. I've been doing youtube gaming (let's plays mostly) as a new hobby for about a month. I love it. It's strange how commentating on anything can give you creative confidence and help clear your head. It helps that I grew up as a gamer. But more on that later. (let's play of Enemy Mind down below).

For now I'm going to go to my new place and haul crap out of the garage, then remodel a bathroom.

Have the best day you've ever had!

Level Up/The Plateau

I don't know what to do with my excess energy these days. I learn something new everyday, I train, I sleep well, eat well and do the things that I want to do. What the fuck is the source of this energy? Wait, I'd rather know what to do with it. Redundant question: What do I do with my excess energy? It's a tad frustrating.

I had a friend some time ago (or some guy/girl I knew. I think he was a friend) tell me that excess energy, when it becomes frustration, is a sign that you are unfulfilled. I didn't agree with them whole-heartedly at the time, and I don't really now, but maybe there is something to that. Why be frustrated if you're doing the things that make you feel strong or relaxed? The thing is: I feel like I'm doing the right things, the things I'm good at, but I still have this irritating knot in the center of my brow. I wonder why that is?

I'm less inclined to believe it's a case of being unfulfilled. It feels more like a need to level up, so to speak.

I need to improve. It's a positive anxiety. For as long as I can remember, I was steadily improving in everything I did. I've come to a pretty pronounced slow-down.

The feeling must be the plateau, the inevitable place you get to where progress evens-out and your gains are not as dramatic. I'm not going for arrogance here, but I am a stranger to the plateau. I work hard and train and research and listen to those greater than me in order to improve and be better than I was five seconds ago. I've always gained quickly and regularly. Redundant statement: I'm new to the plateau.

I so badly want to exist in an RPG (role playing game). Hello, my name is Andrew and I am a nerd. I say this due to many things, mostly the leveling up, the tangible representation of immediate growth and change. I'm impatient and improvement hungry. I wonder if that's because I play video games, or why I do.

There are services that work for people, many of which I've tried, that attempt to replicate role playing elements (fitocracy and habit rpg for example). They're great. But I want a real life rpg.

The plateau doesn't exist in as black and white form in said genre. When you hit max level or even just get into a rut mid-game, you can go do side-quests and collect loot and etc (yes, I see the allegory for life. I know. I'll get back to work in a minute, but I'm bitching for now. Catharsis and all that).

I'm stoked as all hell for google glass or some facsimile to allow for ARG (augmented reality gaming). I hear we're getting holograms from microsoft in little over a fortnight... Also this lady >





Who I'm pretty sure is ending up like the following on your various electronic devices:

I vote sexy hologram lady over something vaguely hal-like, but maybe that's just me. 2001...go watch it. You'll understand why. Also, I'm pretty sure she calls you chief. Which is just cool. Let me be clear: I by no means have dom/sub fantasies, military relationship fantasies in which you break rank or anything. I also have no problems with, and have a huge love for, badass titles. Again: nerd.

If I could live in a semi-fantasy world where I could slay a goblin and collect the spoils of my conquest, I would. If I could blacksmith talons of a great dragon or artifice magical items for me and mine, I would. The Matrix? Not such a bad idea! Maybe less human farming though (or none...none is good). The holo-deck would be better, obviously.

The world we live in is beautiful, endlessly inspiring... but I want to shoot a fireball out of my hand! Don't you?

Imagine rolling down the street in your Honda and... what's that I see above? A level 12 harpy? Well shit and shazaam! You take aim with the flat of your palm, mutter some incantation (or not) and then BOOSH! A gem falls, or maybe a pinion, perhaps a reward screen pops up with your well-gotten gains in loot!

You'd better believe that the second something resembling the Full-Dive (http://swordartonline.wikia.com/wiki/FullDive) exists, I'm dropping my life-savings into it and riding that virtual adventure for all it's worth.

Until then, I will go on a walk, listen to my soundtrack (today it's Con Bro Chill http://conbrochill.com/), do my day job, dance, try to relax and... You know, I'm writing this and it leads me here: Maybe the plateau isn't so bad!

I had never thought about this before, but could the plateau be a place for you to take stock of where you are? A mental break from the uphill growth section of your life that allows you to process and evaluate said process? Fuck! That's good stuff right there!

Maybe it's a place that you can walk softly and test out your new abilities/knowledge in a safe environment within before taxing yourself further.

I realize that many of you have probably already come to this conclusion. You're awesome. It's new for me.

The plateau can allow you to rest. Holy sweet mother of all that's grand and beautiful. I like that. Rest. The plateau can be your vacation. It can be your escape from your self-imposed regimen that we all take too seriously at one point or another.

Well then. I have nothing left to say. I am satisfied. I still would like to live in a more nerd-based, rpg inclined universe, though. Yeah... that'd be cool.