Showing posts with label sick. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sick. Show all posts

Monday, September 7, 2015

From Plague: I Rise, Wheezing and Clear

From PAX I was gifted the plague, from Kumo: the sickness. Fuck these last two weeks in regards to my health.

But enough of that.

Today is the first day back at the gym (Black Rose ftw woot 420 no scope blaze-it swoltownusa roflcopterbbq creatine hench motherfucker). I'm so happy to feel my body again. That's mostly what this post is about.

I've been dancing for most of my life as a profession. Now I'm not and I've been feeling myself slide into a lesser version of myself. I don't stretch or get enough standard exercise, never mind the creative gap (fixing that). But mostly it's the physical side that's lacking. But this post is about the good stuff, the oooey gooey center of exercise that is feeling at one with your body.

I can't tell you how happy I am to be shaky and tired and so on and so forth via the post workout down period. My head is clearer (which may also come from no longer having the aforementioned plague/sickness that is freely traded at any convention).

Timing is a funny thing. Like most people I get into the headspace of "I wish I had done this that or the other" guilt-spiral bullshit. Excuses. I think you've heard of them? It's a thing where... Never mind. Sarcasm not needed. My bad. Here's a picture of Ronda Rousey looking fabulous and badass to make up for my un-needed dickery (fabul-ass... I like it! That sounds better than it did in my head!)

I spend the majority of my day, like most nerds/the average human these days, sitting at my desk or being otherwise occupied with things that inspire a hunched posture. It sucks! I used to be an athlete. I'm not these days. I'm working on it. Anyway, being once in incredible shape and not currently being there, I know what it feels like to be at one with your physical self and not. To be powerful, feel unstoppable, and to not. What's that saying? Ignorance is bliss? It's kind of true. It's a cowards excuse, but there is some truth to that. But again, I'm getting off track.

What this time away from the physical has given me is time to heal. Then I got sick and it gave me a pain in the ass. Two weeks of being deeply in my head. Here's the cool thing about that: where back in the day I would have wallowed in this state, instead I took my own advice and turned the proverbial frown upside down.

I spent so much time analyzing how I was feeling, and where I was physically and emotionally. The short of what I came up with was a few things I was missing from my life that would push me past where I have ever been.

Easy enough: Schedule was first. Creative outlet was second. And third was tying the two into training.

Schedule is easy: make a schedule. Stick to it. Done. Been working so far, even as loose as demands on my time are these days.

Creative outlet. Also easy: Write all the time. Editing counts. Ideas count. Want to be a writer? WRITE! Done. Dance has been lacking, but I found a new exercise to heal and strengthen quicker so I can get back in the game. Working so far. To be clear: I don't want to pursue a career in dance anymore. It's an unforgiving business with very little income on the average. Not interested. It's gonna have to be my passion. Stoked.

Tying the two into training: I love crossfit. Black Rose has been a great home and I feel powerful doing the exercises we do in the space I get to work in. It's not for everyone, but it's for me. Boxing and Muay thai fill my need for martial arts. Insert WOOT here. The newest addition to the group is a couple of break dancing exercises that essentially mimics parkour training (quadrupedal movement and sustained body weight transference), and bullet time... I just really wanted to get the term "bullet time" into this post. Remember the matrix? Remember all the slowing down during run and gun scenes? Bullet time. Being less of a nerd: You do break dancing vocab, but you either do your moves horrendously slow, or you go from medium fast to slow ass all hell, move by move. It's weirdly fun! And it builds control like a sonofabitch!

That's pretty much where I'm at with the physical.

The last little bit, which has plagued me for some time, is the missing tool. I'm a writer, a dancer, an actor and a metric fuck ton of other things. Finding a single tool to best facilitate being a professional artist (with a decent wage) has been a trial. And then there's youtube.

I have a whole thing I want to say on youtube, but I'll save it for another post. The short: I honestly think youtube is the key to my success as an artist. Yes, I'm late to the party, but you gotta get there sometime, right? Call it fashionably late. I've been doing youtube gaming (let's plays mostly) as a new hobby for about a month. I love it. It's strange how commentating on anything can give you creative confidence and help clear your head. It helps that I grew up as a gamer. But more on that later. (let's play of Enemy Mind down below).


For now I'm going to go to my new place and haul crap out of the garage, then remodel a bathroom.

Have the best day you've ever had!

Friday, November 29, 2013

Day 21 - Broken

Sick again.

I find it ironic that I get sick regularly when I'm incredibly stressed, and then again when I am no longer stressed. Is ironic the work I want? Shitty! That's the word! Shitty! Sick as a dog as I type all this mess. On the bright side, I respond to healthy choices a damn sight faster than I did when I was as stressed as could be. It's good. Even when I'm wrecked I still feel good about my general state. Dig it. Still though, I have this fantasy that I wont ever be sick again. That my healthy choices will keep me good and robust for as long as I like. Also, I have a fantasy that the world turns into a video game a-la Sword Art Online, HabitRPG and the like. I know that won't happen. I swear. Yeah. Won't happen. Cough, sputter, IT WOULD BE SO COOL!

I can deal with nausea and weakness, but the fog and confusion that I've wrote about lately sure is a true bane. I hate feeling stupid, and with this version of whatever I've got, a low IQ and remedial motor control come as a package deal. Video games, puzzles and the like really help keep me focused, but conversation, books and stories are a real bitch this week. I've also lost a great deal of patience; no surprise there. I feel like I can kick its ass in a weekend, so here we go.

Bad Glee! Bad! Shame on you! What does the fox say? How did you screw that up? I... *facepalm**face into desk**face into desk again*

I get to sign up for classes now! Not 100% sure of what to take yet, but still excited that I actually get to improve on skills that will really serve my dreams, and move past a real stigma I've had. Full disclosure: I've been very self-conscious to pick up a pencil and get drawing for about 8 years now. Stopped drawing because, during the second weakest part of my life, I was consistently made fun of by dick-holes who are now probably homeless. Like I said, I was weak, so I took what they said to heart and stopped doing something I love. So, 8 years later, I'm starting up again and committing to raising my skills for me and me alone. I am wussy, hear me roar!

Still can't stop thinking about Hunger Games 2. I can not wait until I go see it again. I honestly don't remember the last movie I saw more than once in the theater, but I'd happily drop a chunk o cash to take another gander at ol' Catching Fire one more again.

Okay. Head's fogging up again. Grabbing food, drinking more water, then hopefully sleeping soundly. Oh and Sickness, you can eat a horse turd. That is all. Thanks.