From Plague: I Rise, Wheezing and Clear

From PAX I was gifted the plague, from Kumo: the sickness. Fuck these last two weeks in regards to my health.

But enough of that.

Today is the first day back at the gym (Black Rose ftw woot 420 no scope blaze-it swoltownusa roflcopterbbq creatine hench motherfucker). I'm so happy to feel my body again. That's mostly what this post is about.

I've been dancing for most of my life as a profession. Now I'm not and I've been feeling myself slide into a lesser version of myself. I don't stretch or get enough standard exercise, never mind the creative gap (fixing that). But mostly it's the physical side that's lacking. But this post is about the good stuff, the oooey gooey center of exercise that is feeling at one with your body.

I can't tell you how happy I am to be shaky and tired and so on and so forth via the post workout down period. My head is clearer (which may also come from no longer having the aforementioned plague/sickness that is freely traded at any convention).

Timing is a funny thing. Like most people I get into the headspace of "I wish I had done this that or the other" guilt-spiral bullshit. Excuses. I think you've heard of them? It's a thing where... Never mind. Sarcasm not needed. My bad. Here's a picture of Ronda Rousey looking fabulous and badass to make up for my un-needed dickery (fabul-ass... I like it! That sounds better than it did in my head!)

I spend the majority of my day, like most nerds/the average human these days, sitting at my desk or being otherwise occupied with things that inspire a hunched posture. It sucks! I used to be an athlete. I'm not these days. I'm working on it. Anyway, being once in incredible shape and not currently being there, I know what it feels like to be at one with your physical self and not. To be powerful, feel unstoppable, and to not. What's that saying? Ignorance is bliss? It's kind of true. It's a cowards excuse, but there is some truth to that. But again, I'm getting off track.

What this time away from the physical has given me is time to heal. Then I got sick and it gave me a pain in the ass. Two weeks of being deeply in my head. Here's the cool thing about that: where back in the day I would have wallowed in this state, instead I took my own advice and turned the proverbial frown upside down.

I spent so much time analyzing how I was feeling, and where I was physically and emotionally. The short of what I came up with was a few things I was missing from my life that would push me past where I have ever been.

Easy enough: Schedule was first. Creative outlet was second. And third was tying the two into training.

Schedule is easy: make a schedule. Stick to it. Done. Been working so far, even as loose as demands on my time are these days.

Creative outlet. Also easy: Write all the time. Editing counts. Ideas count. Want to be a writer? WRITE! Done. Dance has been lacking, but I found a new exercise to heal and strengthen quicker so I can get back in the game. Working so far. To be clear: I don't want to pursue a career in dance anymore. It's an unforgiving business with very little income on the average. Not interested. It's gonna have to be my passion. Stoked.

Tying the two into training: I love crossfit. Black Rose has been a great home and I feel powerful doing the exercises we do in the space I get to work in. It's not for everyone, but it's for me. Boxing and Muay thai fill my need for martial arts. Insert WOOT here. The newest addition to the group is a couple of break dancing exercises that essentially mimics parkour training (quadrupedal movement and sustained body weight transference), and bullet time... I just really wanted to get the term "bullet time" into this post. Remember the matrix? Remember all the slowing down during run and gun scenes? Bullet time. Being less of a nerd: You do break dancing vocab, but you either do your moves horrendously slow, or you go from medium fast to slow ass all hell, move by move. It's weirdly fun! And it builds control like a sonofabitch!

That's pretty much where I'm at with the physical.

The last little bit, which has plagued me for some time, is the missing tool. I'm a writer, a dancer, an actor and a metric fuck ton of other things. Finding a single tool to best facilitate being a professional artist (with a decent wage) has been a trial. And then there's youtube.

I have a whole thing I want to say on youtube, but I'll save it for another post. The short: I honestly think youtube is the key to my success as an artist. Yes, I'm late to the party, but you gotta get there sometime, right? Call it fashionably late. I've been doing youtube gaming (let's plays mostly) as a new hobby for about a month. I love it. It's strange how commentating on anything can give you creative confidence and help clear your head. It helps that I grew up as a gamer. But more on that later. (let's play of Enemy Mind down below).

For now I'm going to go to my new place and haul crap out of the garage, then remodel a bathroom.

Have the best day you've ever had!

Train and Treat it like a Job. Also Pictures.

Swoll. Yolked. Fit. Fwine. Hench. Muscled. Strongf. In-shape. Healthy. Boosh. Damn, son. Stronger. Better. Faster. Warmer. Warmer. Warmer. Colder. Warmer. Thunder and lightning, don't get caught in the storm.

Training is fun. It's hard work that leads to something tangible. It takes time and teaches you patience. Training is also something that used to scare me due to ego and the lack of confidence in myself.

Experiment, as I now have the confidence to embrace the work and not the ending that never came fast enough. Experiment: Document my life more than I am comfortable in ways that share my vulnerability.

Side note: I googled documentary to find a good picture and most of what came up were photos of suffering children, exotic animals and various displays of war. There was also the one I found which I picked because I thought it would disturb you more if you knew me (hint: imagine me as the woman! You're welcome!)

I'd thought about doing this before in the more popular way: posting my records, before and after pictures and so on. I still might do that. However, I think it's more interesting (for me, at least) to post and discuss the emotional aspect of it. Over the next few months/year, I am putting myself through a few things that I've always wanted to do.

1. Physical training - Crossfit, yoga and a little break dancing. I once was an athlete. I'm in fairly good shape. I want to be an athlete again.

2. Learning a craft - Blacksmithing. I do a great many things, but I wouldn't say I have a physical craft. I used to draw but stopped because of self esteem issues and a dick of a room mate who would insult everyone we knew in incessant, passive aggressive ways. I've had a dork level obsession about blacksmiths for as long as I can remember. Thanks to the fine folks at Trackers PDX (http://trackerspdx.com/), I can now live out this fantasy. Woot.

3. Profession - Writer. Many people have said the same thing, but I like how Ze Frank puts it:
"If you want to do something, then you should be doing it. If you want to write, then you should be writing..."
So I will. I have never treated my passions as jobs on purpose. I've always just fallen into them. I've experienced a moderate level of success this way, but I often wonder how things would be if I had poured myself into it and dedicated time in the way that you do a day job. Now, through the magic of actually doing stuff (trademark), we shall see how it goes.

Rules about the sharing:

1. No lying! - I can't lie anyhow, so this isn't a problem. But to be more specific: If I think it (within a small margin of reason) I have to share it.

Example: Yesterday's workout nearly made me throw up. It was only the second time I've come that close due to exercise. The other was sled push day. It made me feel weak for about thirty minutes to the point that I recalled being bullied on the playground as kid. I could now kick their ass. High road.

2. Pictures or it Didn't Happen - Pretty self explanatory. A picture is worth exactly 1000 words. So it saves me about thirty minutes of work. Also they're prettier.

Example: To the right and left. Right - Me pulling a sled that weighs 310lbs American. Left - The workout we did yesterday. Skin the cats is a gymnastic move. GHD is a fancy position that translates to "Hold this bar like this while you dangle out over nothing and push the bar like that, bitch!" ETOM means every minute on the minute. It was hard.

3. No fear...which I guess is essentially no lying. But with the added mark of trying new things. I'll be afraid, but will have to push forward.


No more rules. They're all very similar anyhow.

Side note: I'm drinking a protein shake with chia inside. I imagine the texture is similar to giving a happy ending to Jabba the Hut.

And now a moment to talk about being a creative professional.

Treat it like a job, they say. They're right.

Think about the amount of time the average person spends on their day job (average 9 hours including a lunch break). Imagine spending that time five days a week on what you want to do creatively. You'd be a professional in months, not years. Months.

This is harder if what you're doing is physically demanding, but don't forget the study side of things. Those 8 hours (losing an hour due to no lunch. Take a lunch. It saves life.), should include learning the finer points of your passion. Learn the history. Learn the sister activities of your passion. Learn how it equates to the real world and really think about how it makes you feel and what you're getting out of it.

Treat it like a job. Simple. Time consuming. Just like everything else that matters.

Treat it like a job.

If you made it this far, here is a picture of me celebrating America: