Day 3 - Blisters

"I'm tired, son," the 28 year old said to no one. "These bones of mine ache is ways they should yet without the abundance they do."

I've been hitting this teeter-totter thing as of late. One group of friends gets sick, and I follow suit. I heal. Another group of friends gets sick. See where I'm going with this? Meh, it's just annoying, nothing big. 

Took my pants off in a room full of tattooed men today. Thought that would sound more "woah" in my head. Meh. I had my consultation for my new tattoo today, and lucked out that I'd already made my first appointment months ago. T-Day, as it were, is December 19th and I'm looking at a leg sleeve, ankle to mid thigh. Ouch, yes. Also fairly pretty and badass. Anyhow, talking over the "what to expect" and price has further pushed my ever-growing budget conscious side. I like saving for things tangible. It's very exciting, I swear! Oh, also: fuck, I'm scared of how much this'll hurt. Stoked and scared. It's a good thing. The guy is a freak of nature talent, I'm in good hands, and it's happening soon. Woot.

More on this habitRPG thing. It's day 4 I think. My guy now has leather armor and a sword, and I just unlocked the ability to get drops. Drops are what usually fall from monsters, post ganking. In this case, the monsters are your habits, dailies, etc. I got a freaking panda in an egg! Then a magical potion that could hatch him...as a skeletal creature. Not thrilled, but still cool. This program is really motivating the crap out of me. There will be more on this.

With all this in mind, as it gets colder, I'm finding myself sinking into a nice day-to-day. I've never had one of those. Most of my jobs have been scattered, the same with my passions. I have never really had a set schedule, save for school (which I'm very much looking forward to getting back to this winter). The thing I'm noticing most is that I'm happier. It's really simple and yeah, I know that structure giving someone clarity isn't a new concept, but I'm new to it. I like it. I feel like an adult. I can see my path more clearly these past few days. I'm very excited to see what the next few months hold.

Day 3 into learning guitar. My fingers fuckin' hurt! Could only erk out about a half an hour before I got pissed at my digits. But seriously, Rocksmith is a win. Get yours today. Really. Do it. Now. Here, I'll help: http://www.amazon.com/Rocksmith-2014-Guitar-Bundle-PlayStation-3-Playstation/dp/B00F9GPZP0/ref=sr_1_8?s=videogames&ie=UTF8&qid=1384064608&sr=1-8&keywords=rocksmith 

I need to perform. It's eating at me. My +1 moment of the week, I feel, has been my reaching out to things I need. Specifically: massage envy (win), and my attempt to acquire another dance mentor. I've had a great many teachers and supporters, but I've never had a real male role model in solo dance (Steven and Mikey, I miss you guys. Lindy Woot). There will be more on that later, for sure, but I done good here. I'm pleased and proud with/of myself for swallowing my timid nature and asking for help. 

This scattered post is brought to you by the good folks at "Sick With a Smile," an Andrew Slac joint.

Oh, and my back is tight as all hell after hitting the rink yesterday. Such a blast. One of the best nights in a while. I hear tell and look forward to what's next, which threatens to be laser tag / go-carts. But truly next is the good ol' Good Foot for soul night next Friday. But more on that, as well, later. A powerful hunger calls. Starvin' over here. Also, my kitchen reeks and is in need of a scrubbin'. 

I must away.

Day 2 - Short and Long

I'm one for the blitz, the overkill, the shotgun blast. Always have been. Paring my life down has been, and will continue to be, something of a chore. I have it written somewhere that just because I'm narrowing my focus, it doesn't mean that I'll be limiting myself from new things. I'm still fairly narrow minded there. C'est la vie. I'm working on it.

In my pursuit of happyness, I've made a great many friends. The crew I currently roll with is solid gold. I'm talking local and the regular hang. Zach, Sara, Sena, Aaron. Such a group, let me tell you. All talented in a weird, sorta freakish way, these four have helped me see who I am and who I can become. Both are good.

The best part is that we're all enablers. We enable each other to both excel at our passions (whether that's through encouragement etc or actual assistance), and to do new/random/stupid/excellent shit. Case in point: Roller Skating. I've been a fan for a while, never consistent but always enthusiastic. Tonight we hit a personal favorite of mine: good ol' Oaks Park (http://www.oakspark.com/roller-skating.html). If tonight is the right night (can never remember the dj schedule) then the jams will be just right for me to fall on my ass and laugh. Honestly, I'm stoked.

This HabbitRPG thing is giving me the strangest burst in productivity. It's too early to tell, but only a couple of days into it and I'm feeling that gamer itch. I'm now level 3, and I'm excited to accomplish my tasks. I have proposed this several times, but I feel that life itself should have an exp bar with associated rewards. When I say this, I'm usually met with (skill and cash are you rewards for your experience in real life). Eat a dick, it's not the same thing. I can't slay things in real life unless I go hunting! Which brings me to another interesting franchise that is another boost in my creativity.

Seriously...I can't praise this enough. My favorite anime in years (which is saying something these days, lemme tell you). It's smart, charming, refreshingly real if you're a dork, well designed, blah, blah, etc.

Simple premise: SAO is THE new VMMORPG (v is for virtual) in the not too distant future. 10000 people log-on launch day, finding themselves in a stunning fantasy game. The world is just as true as real life, but you get the added benefit of being a bonafide badass in short work. The twist is that not one person can log-out, and if you die in the game, you die in real life! Also, if someone tries to unplug you in real life, you're fucked too. It adds a real weight to something that I've found refuge in for so many hours, a real consequence, something tangible and frightening. Also, it makes me droll just a tad. The only way for the characters to log-out, is for them to clear the 100 floors and beat the end-game boss at the top. I'll no-doubt do a whole thing on this anime at some point, so I'll leave it there with the plot. I love the show, love the premise and Reki Kawahara is my freaking hero. Way to gift the world something fresh and two of my favorite characters of all time (Kirito and Asuna).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sword_Art_Online

I'm finding, as I narrow, that I'm surrounded by amazing things that are pushing me forward. As I relax, I find that I don't need to work as hard to force anything. It all comes naturally. A lot of people already know that, but I sure didn't. It feels good to trust in the process. 

The Internet Invaded

I remember hitting Wordstock in my home town a couple years back. I'm a big fan of the fest, actually, but like any convention of any kind there has to be...has to fuckin' be, at least one titan level dick-head.

His name will be left out 'cause...well...daddy can't afford a lawsuit. Also, I can't remember his damn name for the life of me.

What I do remember is his supreme arrogance. Grandiose? Maybe. True? Shit-yes, Baby. He had this cock-sure line about "The Internet Invaders" and how these bloggers/self-publishers and the like are ruining the written word and sullying the good name of literature as a whole. He sited the ability of easily publishing your work to the web, and therefore the general world, as being nothing more than the work of amateurs and, my favorite: "...fiction whores! Possibly decent authors and literary would-bes who think themselves above 'the grind.'"

I laughed at that last bit. "Above the grind." As if self-publishing isn't a royal pain-in-the-ass that can erode the ol' soul just as much as the search for a traditional publisher. But, perhaps I'm misguided in my interpretation of his words. Or maybe he's on to something. Maybe it should be like a psycho shit-lottery that requires you to not only churn out a high-quality... Ya know what, never mind. I was going to be all sarcastic and what not, but that doesn't serve anyone. He was an archaic, short-sited dick who chose to crap on something new because it was easier to do and less frightening than admitting that he might have to update his methods. His methods, not his work. He had merit, sure, or he wouldn't have been speaking at a convention. So if you're talented enough to get a job, why freak out that someone came out with a device/option to help make you more money? Nothing to fear, everything to gain.

Here's the real. Selling your book is a bitch. It's enough of a challenge for many people to churn out something really sellable, let alone hook yourself an agent and/or publisher out of the gate. Your first book is probably not going to be your masterpiece, even if you're good and it rocks, and that's okay! You've got more options these days than found in the Way-Way-Back Machine. Take advantage!

The part I always have to remind myself is that it's the entertainment business. Even if it wasn't, it's always been hard work and "who you know" in every business. If you're given a leg up (in this case: the internet), take it! It's still no guarantee that you'll be the next Steven King, Rowling or Twilight Lady (yeah, didn't take the time to look her up), but every little bit o help...uh...helps...

If I've learned anything over the years, it's that everything has value, especially if it adds another avenue for success/discovery. There is no right answer other than this, "Keep moving forward."

Agent? Money? Head Exploding? HARD WORK!

There is a spray-painted banner in Black Rose (my crossfit-gym), that reads: "hardworkhardworkhardworkhardwork" and so on. Like any cheese-ball, inspiration-hungry, word hyphen word geek, I do my best to stare a hole into that banner every time I'm in for a good ol' asshyphenkicken. And I know that those words are the key to success...but I really want a magic formula.

But really, a magic formula? There isn't one, as it turns out, not to success.

The best you can do is work hard and hope to high-fuck that someone likes your work. For a creative professional (or an aspiring one, for that matter), this only mildly boils the brain.

You work hard, you put yourself out there, you think you've created something good (and probably have done just that), but you still aren't rollin' in the ching-chang...money... I'm right there, right now and it had/has been driving me kinda loopy. Honestly, its been throwing me off for a few months. I kept thinking "All I need is an agent!" After I had been thinking "All I need is a publisher!" After I had been thinking "All I need is to finish my book!" I've got the book, but no publisher or agent, and only today did I get some clarity! "All I need is hard work!"

I may have been dealing with some bigger stuff that was hampering me, but I'm stronger than that and damn smart enough to know that I can't stop. I need to push forward especially when things are horrid.

Yeah. I know. It's simple and a fairly face-palm-epiphany that you hear from the day you take on your first chore, to the day you retire, until you're telling your grand-kids the same such.

I always forget that part. Life is not a movie, you don't (generally) strike it rich out of the gate as a creative kind, or have those parents/friends of parents/bang Sandra Bullock in The Proposal (loved that movie, actually...seriously...) that get you into the big leagues. I always forget because I don't register failure, I think, which is both good and bad...but that's for later.

The two things that kick me forward lately are inspiring speeches (always loved these, actually, and here's a good one: http://youtu.be/zuBSRC1zpHw ), and finally...finally listening to other professionals. Both say the same thing that no one wants to hear because they know it's the truth: Keep drying, don't give up etc...

Disney once said, "Keep moving forward..." and yes, a million others have said the same thing. They're all right, it's all sound, and I'm doing my best to listen.

Step 1: Make use of what I already have. Material and talent wise. Things will develop from there.

Step 2: Maintain these things. Repetition.

Step 3: Inspire these things. Feed the obsessive talent-hungry monster in my gut. I'm good at this one.

Step 4: Check back in on maintenance. I'm very bad at this part.

Repeat forever while taking time to relax and enjoy it all. I forget this too.

I'ma try this. I really feel like it's time to grow up. More on that later.

Who I Am 1

Today is a little tangent. I needed to write something and this is what came out. Here we go.

I believe it was the great Popeye who said, "I am what I am and that's all that I am."

The more experienced I get, the more I find out who I am. As it should be. The rough patch is accepting what I'm not. I'm having a hard time with this, the whole "limitations" thing.

I've always wanted to be the best. Period. That's it. Since I was a little kid, I was afraid of being the worst, so I dreamed of being the best at every last thing. And, fair enough, what child doesn't want to be a geneticist-poet-millionaire-playboy-insert-other-cookie-things-here? The rough patch has only reared it's very figuratively-real head within the last two years. Two years ago, I looked in the mirror and thought that I was the single worst thing on the planet (I'm better now, don't worry).

I've been doing some personal work, lemme tell you, and part of that is finding what I'm good at. I'm a part of so many projects (holy crap there's a metric fuck-ton), not to mention the personal maintenance and training I'm going/have had to go through over the past deuce. The whole time, I was trying to find what it was that I truly loved and wanted to dedicate my years too. What I was best and worst at, I needed to know.

SO, the short of it was easy: I wanna be a dancer and writer, over everything else, with inspirational so-and-so thrown in for good measure. 

The thing that makes my life complete (aside from food, friends and good ol' fashioned fun), is the arts. They are the most inspirational thing on the planet, they influence our societies (I'm counting hip hop, of course, and yes, Jersey Shore...seriously), and they make us think. The funny thing is, most people tear down other artists for being different. He's to abstract, to excited, to dark, to modern, to...you get it. And for some time, I was so angry when I heard this. That was until a friend set me right, or at least, opened my eyes and ears. He said (paraphrasing): I love where your heart is at. 

Something about that, the lack of judgement and the abundance of simplicity, something stuck with me. I look out now and I have mostly stopped seeing a group of negative asses. What I see now is a group that lacks the inspiration/confidence to believe in themselves, and so they tear others down. I'm not mad at fear. How could I be? Fear keeps us alive, keeps us from fighting howler monkeys, from eating the molded cheese brick that has been sitting in my fridge for two weeks. How could I be mad at self preservation?

Instead, I've been working to remember his words, and my favorite quote: "I will not reason and compare, my business is to create..." - William Blake. 

The short of it? Who gives a shit about the guy that hates you? What did you think about what you love to do? Was it the best you could give or is tomorrow going to feel better than today? Hippy? Yes! But, it's also something that I've had to teach myself, over and over, until it finally sank in. 

I allowed someone else to tell me what I was good at and what I should be doing. Then I listened to the people who would raise me up as I do for them (hint: these are the people that matter). My life changed and I became powerful. I gained purpose and a confidence that (though I may have bad days) no one can take away from me. 

I am an artist. I'm a writer, a dancer and I will inspire those around me to find their true strength and reach their goals.

If I'm going to the top, you're all coming with me.

Andrew