Core Experience Robbed

I originally named this Games That Are Basically Masturbating Whores.

You read that right. And if you made it this far: thank you for coming!

I was going to do this as a vlog, and maybe I still will, but I'm out of the house and no where near my camera so a good old blog will do nicely. Also, this is just a quick thing that was on my mind while I had a decent headache.

Games have evolved a few times, bringing new subjects and systems and so on and so forth. There's two that fascinate me these days more than most.

1. Idle Games - I couldn't believe this was a thing when I first saw it. A game that is designed to accrue you points or money or whatever the digital currency it's slinging so that you can check in here and there and feel accomplished.

I'm actually kind of okay with these! It feels good to accomplish something, or in this case to have something accomplished in your name. I support these (thank you cookie clicker and hero clicker), and that's pretty much all I can say about them. They're games, I guess.

2. Free to Play Games - Free to download and play and probably has some form of energy or stamina that limits your playtime. They come with in-app purchases typically and allow you to buy things like said stamina/energy to keep playing, or just go balls out and unlock incredible power from the get go. These games, specifically the systems, are pretty broken, and there are plenty that are just bad games. These also have tremendous potential to be powerful forces in the gaming community and I honestly think there is something here for entertainment, education and economics, but the formula is still much greater geared toward greed.

The folks at extra credits can give you more detail on this subject (f2p games) and I'm a big fan of theirs. Check them out in this order:
1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwI0u9L4R8U
2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBtXyv0Q1Eg
3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxDz6RWncVM

I never...NEVER thought these two game types would have a demon baby. You take the free to play aspects, especially the stamina thing and the monetary transactions, and you combine it with an idle games standard of it playing itself. This becomes something that demands your money while not really even having you play. If you buy into the system, you are no longer playing and merely watching the game play itself. You're watching the game masturbate for money. Score?

The only argument I've heard in favor of this type of entertainment was something along these lines: It's like watching TV but with a cast of characters you picked. Fair enough. That doesn't sound too bad! I'd love to watch a version of Firefly with an all Wash cast!

My counter to that argument is simple: It's not TV. Really, aside from the potential ethical implications of select f2p/idle games, there's nothing wrong with this formula beyond that I think it's shit.

Games are meant to be played. They assist in the advancement of the self and relaxation through basically tinkering. They are a safe place that can increase hand-eye coordination (insert another masturbation joke there...insert...). Games have been shown to assist with all manner of stat-growth, as it were, including coping mechanisms, communication and reasoning skills. More importantly: games are meant to be played because it is fun to play. Sitting and watching has never been more exhilarating than participating. And if you take the purpose of a game away, to be played, then you remove it from being a game.

Pretty much all I have on the subject right now. My head hurts from studying these things for the past couple weeks. I must have played two dozen of them, and they all basically function the same way with different skins.

Like I said, these have great potential, F2P games, as do idle games, but together they remove the core experience from what a game is. I for one felt like a middle management zombie during playtime and then a chunk after. Hopefully it gets worked out. Hopefully these don't take up too much real estate in the gaming market.

I'm going to shower. My head is mush now.

Have the best day you've ever had.

Dancing Kryptonite

My head feels like it's going to explode. I have all this energy and for some reason it's decided to wad itself into what infinitesimal space might be between my skull and brain. (Insert frustrated, grunting yell here)

But I don't want to write about that for two reasons: It's whining and it's boring.

I don't really want to write about any one thing right now. I just like to write and it helps my brain calm down when I have an excess of anxiety going on. Again, don't want to write about that, so moving on.

Instead, I want to write about a shortcoming I have that actually makes me happy. I'm strangely self-conscious in front of a camera when I dance. Not anything else. When it's any other skill I'm comfortable. Dancing just so happens to be the most personal form of expression that I do. There's no hiding. Acting might be me, but it's another version (a whole thing on that some other time). Singing is probably the same as dancing, but I've never allowed anyone to tape me doing so via threat of castration and/or hysterectomy.

That being said, my brilliant friend, Kindell McIntosh, had a few of us get together on a beautiful day and dance for the camera. This was for a school project. We didn't once dance to the song that is behind our moves in the video. Kindell set everything to it thanks to some creative editing.

I love this video for two reasons: My friends are really talented and I'm rather embarrassed watching myself. Let me be clear: I don't hate what I am doing in this video. I just know that I am more talented than how I danced. The reason for my less than average performance is the camera.

Everyone has their kryptonite. The camera weakens me when I dance through no fault of the device. I grew up being told I wasn't good enough in the arts, but so did a lot of people. In every other facet I've placed my willpower, I've taken that ridicule and rendered it fuel. Call it creative alchemy bolstered by an inherent "Fuck You!" that every artists harbors for their negative piers/teachers/reviewers/public. I wonder why the camera makes me so self-conscious. There's no reason it should be any different than someone watching.

You could make the argument that it forces the forever effect, the concept that by recording something it becomes immortal, thus making any possibly humiliation unending. But I don't give a shit what people think about me beyond a passing annoyance. It's something I'm proud of. I get effected by barbs, good old chastising like anyone else, it just doesn't last long. Additionally, I'm lucky to have a support system that keeps me strong when I feel weak.

That's probably it, the forever of it, and the only person's opinion I'm concerned with is my own. So it doesn't make any sense for me to be swayed to the negative when a camera is present, does it?

Here's the easy of it: I don't care how I used to be beyond learning from what I did. Everything I've done has made me who I am. I happen to like who I am these days. Watching old clips of myself doing anything doesn't harm me, it informs me. It's a nice reference point and that's about it.

Writing this, I can see the flaw in my fear of being recorded. There's no need to fear a damn thing if mine is the only opinion I'm worried about. So I suppose I did have a point in writing this.

It's valuable to look at yourself, regardless of what you do. You need a reference point for when you surpass your previous skill level or state of being.

I don't really have anything else on the subject at the moment. I'll put some money in the meter, lay down and read Wise Man's Fear and drift off to much deserved sleep. I'm learning to relax (a whole thing on that later)

Sweet dreams.

Day 13 - Who Needs Sleep

I am the worlds worst actual sleeper. I'm not comparing myself with insomniacs, just with those who can squeeze out a wink here and there. When I sleep, such as last night, I get an average of 7 hours in time unconscious. Those 7 hours are filled with nightmares, constant wake ups and general shit restlessness. In reality, in those 7 hours, I'm probably getting closer to 3 max. I'm melting here. My joints ache, my head is cloudy and yet when I lay down for sleep after a long day, I'm not tired. Fuck.

To combat this irritating lack of rest, I'm trying a more stringent schedule of physical what not. I mean, there's a fairly good chance that I'm just anxious due to excess energy. Nothing big. Heading back to crossfit tomorrow, finally, so I need sleep tonight. Real sleep, sweet Moses. And again we come to HabitRPG, which is now an impressive color wheel of tasks filled with even more physical exertion.

If I'm being honest, I hate my body. Can't stand the way I look. I'm strong, fast and more flexible than the average guy. I'm very smart and okay looking without any real debilitating issues save for an in-rehab shoulder and knee (nothing severe). But I look in the mirror and find that the way I look does not match the things I'm able to do and it pisses me off. My vanity is just strong enough to effect me and I would love nothing more than to bitch slap it. Better yet, I just want to be stronger, faster, more flexible and lookin' fuckin' fine. Bawla shiet, yo! Kids still talk like that, right? Meh. I hope not.

The real of all of this is I'm 28 and ready to be the man I've always known I can be. Which is a
warrior-monk-poet-philosopher-teacher-inspiration guru thing. I will take up my octagonal staff and lay waste to the demons of hell! Fuck them bitches! It's their time!...Okay, in this scenario, the octagonal staff is really my potential, while the demons of hell that I might be laying waste to are more figurative, truly being my languid attitude and/or years spent slacking and otherwise doing jack.

I've got that weird buzzing behind my eyes and a taste not unlike bunk and pennies on my tongue. Two things: 1. I have a ton to do and I'm a tad blech about doing them though they will be done. 2. When they are done I will make bank in HabitRPG and can buy a new helmet and probably a shield. I care.

I blame and thank Sena for my recent intake in vegetarian cuisine. It's great, affordable and I feel good...mostly...after eating. Now here's the rub: I'm too active to not eat meat and I kinda forgot that until the buzzing headache this morning. Protean and animal fat makes me feel good. Greens too kale is awesome, but dammit I sure need some animal flesh! Did you ever watch Looney Toons? Remember when they'd be stranded on a desert island or stricken with poverty and one would look to the other to find them transformed into a ham, hot dog turkey leg or steak? Sorry Sena, you're looking like a burrito right now. If I did resort to cannibalism and did happen to murder and eat her, it would be doing so to a vegetarian. It would be therefor be both healthier and natural, like kobe or applewood, and ironic. Now's the time to mention I am kidding. I think. It's hard to tell right now, through the headache and hunger. No I am. *nods* *shakes head* *nods* *and so on and so on*